Thursday, August 24, 2006

Why 'Gender Irrelevant' ?

It occurs to me that I haven't as yet explained the title of this particular blog. I am very keen on words, so the titles of my blogs are supposed to be meaningful. The title for this one reflects me feeling that gender really is irrelevant when it comes to matters of the heart and soul.

I'm bi-sexual, so I know that what gender someone is doesn't affect my capacity to love them or to be in love with them. I've never been a 'girly girl', but a person with a range of interests, some of which are genderised by the society I live in most of the time.

If you are bi-sexual or bi-curious and you haven't had chance to live in a bi-sexual society, by the way, I heartily recommend BiCon ! I had some wonderful experiences there when a friend persuaded me to go a few years back. I long to go again, and will as soon as I have a bigger bank account than I do presently.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Domestic Violence

I'm not sure if this entry belongs here, or on my Bullying blog ? This blog is the one that carries the content warning, so maybe here is the right spot, since sexual behaviours are mentioned as well as emotional issues.

There was a thing on television yesterday about the effect witnessing domestic violence has on children. All of a sudden someone has realised it has an effect. Woohoo for them ! (*sarcasm*) Shouldn't that have been d*mn obvious to people ? What I experienced as a child still effects my relationships and interactions with others now, in adulthood

I am presently seeing a counsellor. Part of what I have been discovering is the effect on me of witnessing and experiencing domestic violence as a child. If you don't feel safe around your parents, your primary carers, you are going to struggle feeling safe around anyone else too. Not feeling safe makes you do and feel odd things about other people and about yourself.

There's a theory that says people who are abused as children (that happened to me too) often end up involved in the BDSM scene, which I did. A number of people I met on the BDSM scene had experienced similar things in childhood. I don't know if there really is a link, though.

So, good thing that someone 'official' has realised that children can suffer from domestic violence, not only directly but also indirectly. Bl**dy obvious to those of us who've been there.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Bi = Invisible ?

Fair warning - this is a hobby horse of mine. I feel that bi-sexuals are very poorly served, not only by the media, but also by what should be their own community. Effectively, in the West, bi-sexuality is inclined to be socially and culturally 'invisible'.

What prompts me to say this ? Let's take a look at just one media example, for a start - Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Who's bi there, you may well ask ? Well actually it's Willow. No, she isn't 'gay', she's bi-sexual, despite how her relationship with her female partner is portrayed. Yet the character even refers to herself as 'gay' ! Before she took up with a woman, though, she had a relationship with Oz... you know, the werewolf bloke, yet Willow seems to have amnesia about that time in her emotional life. Grrrr.

What annoys me about this is not only that bi-sexuality isn't given an airing, but that the character inaccurately portrays being gay as some sort of lifestyle choice too !

This cultural amnesia seems to extend to some real life bi-sexuals as well. I have some theories why this is, not least of which is that the poor visibility of bi-sexuality is perpetuated through our social associations. Socially, we tend to cling to the gay / lesbian movements like they are a life raft. This isn't helpful, though, because these two groups aren't interested in adopting us. We aren't 'them' any more than we are 'hetro', no matter how much you might choose to subsume your reality in order to fit in.

Wake up, people ! If you are in the wonderful state of consciousness and being which allows you to love and be sexual with all genders, please be bold enough to own being bi-sexual, not a homosexual or a hetrosexual who occasionally strays ! Admit and own your position firmly on that fence !