tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-317381632024-02-08T18:44:30.925+00:00Gender IrrelevantThis is a blog about gender and the issues surrounding gender identity, sexual preference and sexual practices. If you might be offended by that sort of stuff, leave now. Equally, if you are looking for porn you needn't bother hanging around here either.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-76580592457518494842016-02-11T16:50:00.000+00:002016-02-11T16:50:55.104+00:00Being Both Muslim and Gay -- Fabulous Training and Further Reading (1)<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.32px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">A training session</span><span style="line-height: 19.32px;"> I attended yesterday, provided by the LGBT Foundation, was utterly amazing, with the only flaws being, in my opinion, a) that we didn't manage to fit in the whole of the planned agenda in the time allowed and b) there wasn't enough of a range of LGBT* Muslim thought presented.</span></div>
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To have a gay Muslim speak of their very difficult history with their community was invaluable. To see that man also have so much pride and belief in Islam and understand that he was striving to be 'a GOOD Muslim' was truly inspirational. I found it invaluable to hear his views on what that, on a very personal level, entails. I feel both honoured and better-educated as a result of witnessing this man's courage and faith.</div>
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I learnt a heck of a lot about Islam yesterday. I was also shown that the religion is not the community, and vice versa, which was utterly revalational for me. I learnt that 'bad' Muslims are as commonplace as 'bad' Christians and 'bad' Pagans and that the same can be said for 'Good' people too. I also learnt how much more vulnerable non-heterosexuals are within Muslim communities. They are in a position very similar to that experienced by homosexual men whilst being homosexual was still illegal in Britain - open to abuse and blackmail, and subject to ostracism and becoming hoimeless, shamed and disgraced if 'outed' or if they decide to 'come out'.</div>
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How I interact with Mulsim people, both straight and otherwise, cannot help but be changed by the training received yesterday, for the better. Understanding others is apparently one of the prime reasons for our existence, according to Islam, and that principle was certainly at play yesterday.</div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.32px;">In the wake of this fabulous training I went to a book store to browse, and (especially as a Pagan) find it suspiciously 'coincidental that I came across a book on exactly the topic I had just received some basic training in. As a result, I am currently reading <b>'Homosexuality in Islam' by Scott Siraj al-Haqq Kugle.</b> I recommend this text to anyone who was inspired to learn more following the training.</span></div>
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<b>Now though, the thunder of hobby-horse hooves and the battle-cries of a Strong Womyn about to partake in a Rant are heard . . .</b></div>
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My great sadness about this book is that I see the author as ignoring 'dispositional bisexuality' because Scott <span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">feels it could weaken the arguments for the acceptance of gay, lesbian and Trans* people amongst Muslims.</span></div>
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I wish I had known yesterday to ask the speakers how they feel about 'dispositional bisexuality' in relation to Islam. I had not heard that term applied to 'my sort' until today, though, through my reading.</div>
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When I see the word 'Bisexual' I automatically think 'Dispositional Bisexual' and I see now why some lesbian and gay people see Bisexuals as a 'threat to our cause', because (apparently) they see 'Behavioural Bisexual' - 'Non-gay' people who have same-sex encounters 'because it's on offer' and straight sex is not so easy to access at the time.</div>
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It hurts me to have to accept that the author of 'Homosexuality in Islam' feels addressing Bisexuality is outside their remit. They say that to do so could weaken their arguments for acceptance because Dispositional Bisexuality is (apparently) not referred to in the Qur'an, only the lewdness of the Tribe of Lot, which they purport included Behavioural Bisexuals. It reads as if the author is in denial of the existence / veracity of the Dispositional Bisexual. Worsse yet, the female Bisexual (Dispositional or Behavioural) isn't even mentioned in passing.</div>
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I understand that the author has tried to present the best case possible for tolerance of gay, lesbian and Trans* people in Muslim communities. I am also now aware how invisible my Bisexual Muslim peers must feel.</div>
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Just in case anyone has any doubts, people who have sex with both/all genders BECAUSE IT IS WHO AND HOW WE ARE, not some life choice we have made EXIST.</div>
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I find great sadness in the fact that some homosexual and Trans* people, who have gained some ground in the battle to prove they are acting on their nature, not against Nature (or God) rather than being homosexual by choice, cannot see that Bisexuality is not necessarily a 'Choice' either. I am a Dispositional Bisexual and this has been my rant for the week.</div>
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Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-58934255744211153572015-05-30T14:46:00.001+01:002015-05-30T14:46:19.203+01:00A History of Abuse and Becoming a Hero<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I just realised something -- The human members of The Avengers each have a history of abuse in their background.<br />
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Tony Stark (Iron Man) was neglected by both of his parents and abused by his alcoholic father.<br />
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Steve Rogers (Captain America) was bullied by his peers as a child, as well as suffering severe ill health and experiencing child poverty.<br />
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Natasha Romanov (Black Widow) was raised within the ultra-abusive setting of the Red Room. In some variants of her backstory they even sterilised her during her childhood.<br />
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Clint Barton (Hawkeye) and his brother were put into the child services system. It was so bad for them that they ran away and joined a carnival show.<br />
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Bruce Banner (Hulk) was persistently attacked and at times imprisoned and experimented on because of 'The Other Guy'.<br />
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The only Avenger not subjected to mental or physical abuse and mistreatment is Thor. He's a much-loved Prince, but he has terrible social and personal failings. His brother is so abused, both physically and emotionally, that his psyche has been dreadfully damaged by his experiences.<br />
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I don't know what to think about this. It feels like 'comic trope', but it also has some other things going on. . . .<br />
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Thoughts anyone?<br />
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Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-82693800463397654622015-05-20T18:57:00.001+01:002015-05-20T18:57:06.764+01:00Pondering the Universe as I know itI've been through three lots of Trans* Awareness Training now. The audiences for these were, respectively: professionals, volunteers and service users. I've learnt a lot, and I have started getting my head around the issues and the behaviours and language expected of me in each of those roles.<br />
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It's been a quite revelatory experience for me, mostly because a change of self-perception has occurred alongside all of this learning. It's going to be complex to try and explain here, mostly because I suspect people will say my experiences are new and related to the teaching I've been given. I do want to assert most strongly though that my recent 'Eureka's' have come along as part of a very long-term evolution of self and self-perception.<br />
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A few weeks ago I had a very male, quite challenging, persona appear as a part of my psyche. He declared his name, told me he was gay and generally made a pest of himself. He's younger and much more assertive than I usually am and has made it clear he doesn't like our body because it doesn't match his perception of himself.<br />
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It's taken me a while to get used to this persona. He's quite a bit 'not me'. When I take a longer view of myself, though, he starts to make sense. . .<br />
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I have experienced male personas a lot in the past. Generally they come and go, but a couple have stuck around long-term and pop up when something relevant to them is going on. I have a few female personas that chip in from time to time too, on top of my 'residing' persona. I want to stress, at this point, that this is not a mental illness -- the personas are <i><u>aspects of the whole person</u> </i>that I am and are completely aware of one another.<br />
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Historically, too, as I have said to my partners at times, some days the best way I can describe myself is "I've got a cock on today". By this, I mean that I am both experiencing a 'phantom cock' and am generally in a headspace that is not female or feminine in any way. My drives, tastes and moods are other than I usually experience as a woman.<br />
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So, not too surprised to meet this guy in my head, except he's quite rude to me!<br />
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Contemplating this latest development at the same time as learning new words and new definitions of the gender identities people manifest, I have now come to the conclusion that I am 'genderfluid', and have been for a very long time. <br />
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I'm also having to deal with my 'new*' persona's body dysphoria. It'\s nothing new to me not liking my own body -- I've struggled with my weight all my life -- but wanting to change it or feeling serious distaste for it has never been a place I've been at. It's quite perturbing suddenly realising that inside of me is a persona who has serious issues with our presentation, shape <i>and </i>gender, and he's not afraid of moaning about it!<br />
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I also have a feeling of 'obligation' to this persona, which is another new development. I feel that he needs to be taken into consideration as I live my life, unlike other personas who have expressed themselves previously.<br />
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My partner hasn't expressed too much surprise at all of this, which has astounded me, because I am struggling to get my head round it and thought she would too! To my great surprise, she's actually accepted the persona and told him to shut the f*ck up and stop being a bitch to me! I have a truly wonderful, amazing and talented partner!<br />
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So, to update my 'profile', I now consider myself a genderfluid, humanosexual ( / bisexual / pansexual), panromantic polyamorous person. I present as female most of the time, but some days I am not travelling through my life with a female's head, heart or sensibilities.<br />
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Too, I now have a better understanding of my anger management issues, my mood swings, my inclination to depression, my relationship with my body and the long-standing sense of not knowing who I am or what I am here for. Win!<br />
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<span style="background-color: #990000; color: white;">*new -- I don't think this persona is 'new', so much as he has chosen now to express himself very strongly.</span><br />
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.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-37465496032078784312015-04-16T18:06:00.000+01:002015-04-16T18:06:39.352+01:00Activism -- What it is and how to do it<b><span style="font-size: large;">Here are the things I learnt about activism, from <a href="http://www.manchester.ac.uk/research/monica.pearl/publications" target="_blank">Monica Pearl</a>, this week:</span></b><br />
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<b>1. Being an activist means WE get to decide what is fair, not government or businesses, or even 'the majority'. If you know of an unfair situation and are passionate about it, give acti</b><b>vism a go.</b><br />
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<b>2. Be clear that activism is not polite. </b>You don't ask, you COMPLAIN, you DEMAND, you push until something CHANGES.<br />
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At the same time, understand that sometimes you will need to take action KNOWING that you will lose. It's not always about winning, it's most often about raising awareness and <b>attracting support for your campaign through PUBLICITY. <u>Make noise, generate a clamour!</u></b><br />
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<b>3. There are a few ways to organise yourselves. DON"T rely on consensus. </b>Having a core team is necessary, but also have sub cores for dealing with particular areas of your activism. Sanction smaller groups to take do certain things. For example, you might create a team for deciding how to harass businesses, who do that research and make those decisions, and then can call everyone in on their campaign when needed. For example 'phone blocking' a business -- calling in incessantly, thereby preventing them from doing business. Trusting the other core sub teams is essential - if they ask you to do something, do it.<br />
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<i>I am really on-board with the 'don't rely on consensus' thing. I've done a lot of work in groups and democracy is a great theory, but it seriously hinders<b> 'getting things done'. </b>One of the other women present said that when she had been an activist everything was done on consensus and it did work for them, though. I guess a lot depends on the group and on the cause.</i><br />
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<b>4. The steps in taking action are:</b><br />
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<li><b>Plan </b>- HOW can you publicise your cause and <u>get changes made</u>?</li>
<li><b>Action</b> - WHAT are you going to do (this time)? What pressure can youi bring to bear, and on whom? Often the aim is to <u>disrupt 'business as usual'</u>.</li>
<li><b>Voices</b> - WHO can be pulled in to participate in the action and how do you arrange things so everyone knows what to do, WHEN and WHERE?</li>
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<b>5. Make REALISTIC demands. </b>Go for small but achievable goals. FORCE the issue.<br />
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<b>6. Be strategic and have allies.</b> Work with other groups who have similar aims, objectives or interests. They can come support your protests and you can help swell the numbers at theirs. cross-pollination of groups is good.<br />
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<i>I think this is a really important 'pointer'. I never would have come up with this. It makes huge sense now.</i><br />
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<b>7. One example</b> that came up in discussion - How would you address that a company has on 23% women and their 'five year goal' is to raise that to 30%?<br />
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Obviously you're going to go for EMBARASSING the company and should demand that the company realise their plans for change aren't ambitious enough. You're going to demand that they make more significant change over a shorter time period.<br />
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One approach you could take is phone blocking the company (see below) until they improve their policy in accordance with your demands. It's important to TELL them what you are going to do and why -- no good 'taking hostages' if you don't state your demands. Make sure the story 'breaks' too.<br />
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<i>It occurs to me that you might need to provide help or advice to them on HOW to meet your demands, too, in an example like this one, where they are at least trying. </i><br />
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The other, really important, issue with this example was that the 'whistle blower' be protected, as she was an employee who could lose her living if she was implicated by the action. The speaker made it clear that she should not be getting involved herself, but rather <b>call on her activist allies to act.</b><br />
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<b>8. Sometimes you will WILLINGLY get arrested in order to raise the profile on an issue. </b>Have back-up and support systems in these circumstances. It's essential you know WHO has been arrested. Also have a sympathetic solicitor's number on hand, <i>ideally someone with some knowledge of anti-defamation laws as well as a strong background in protest cases.</i><br />
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<i>Being in the 'getting arrested' group isn't for everyone, but it does generate a lot of publicity; that's the aim. If you are not able or comfortable with getting arrested, you don't have to be involved in such actions.</i><br />
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Not every action has to be loud or violent. For example, ActUp held a 'kiss in' to protest for equality for gay people.<br />
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9. <b>Communicate</b>. Exploit social media to the full, both for raising the profile of your cause and for helping you organise events and actions.<br />
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A more 'old school' way to 'pass the word', and I think perhaps more approiriate if an illegal protest is afoot, is to use a 'phone tree'; you ring five people, they each ring five more, and so on, a bit like chain letters or chain emails.<br />
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10. There are <b>barriers</b> to be crossed even <b>within our communities</b>. These are attitudes such as:<br />
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<li>'Things are so much better now'. Yes they are, but it doesn't mean that they can't still be improved. 'Better' acknowledges there were problems, but ignore that <u>it's not completely 'right' yet, nor even FAIR</u>!</li>
<li>'Let's not rock the boat'. This speaks of accepting unfair treatment, mostly because we are afraid of having our previous gains taken off us. It forgets that what we have gained is our right, not a privilege. </li>
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<b>If you don't protest, it WILL be taken as truth that 'They're fine with us'. <u>This subsumes your agreement.</u></b><br />
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<i><b>11. Remember, when you meet a person with a barrier, <u>attack the barrier, not the person</u>.</b></i><br />
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<b>12. Don't be 'wet' about things. </b>Some groups make the mistake of branding the problem with slogans, but fail to solve it.<br />
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">So what causes do I care enough about to become an activist? </span></b></i><br />
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<li><i>Fighting 'Binary Thinking'.</i></li>
<li><i>Body Choices - especially stopping the medical mutilation of intersex children</i></li>
<li><i>Bullying in all it's forms, but espoecially bullying in the workplace</i></li>
<li><i>De-stigmatising Mental Illnesses and stopping unfair dismissals and the like</i></li>
<li><i>Promoting education about Bisexual, Intersex and Trans* matters</i></li>
</ul>
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<i>If you share one of these interests and are looking for support leave me a comment and a way of contacting you. I can be messaged on facebook too, where I am present as Katisha Morish (surname accidentally mis-spelled on FB).</i><br />
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<i>If you want '<u>further reading</u>', look for 'Women, Aids and Activism' in second hand bookstores or second-hand on Amazon (it's out of print atm ).</i><br />
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<br />Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-89314553106335933832015-03-28T13:21:00.002+00:002015-03-28T13:24:31.449+00:00What is Polyamoury?I often mention that I am polyamorous. Someone just asked me what that means, so I decided to say here.<br />
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This is what polyamoury is for me, there are lots of other versions though.<br />
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It means I have learnt by experience that I can be utterly devoted to and in love with not just one person at a time, but several. I am also willing to put in the considerable effort needed to keep more than one partner a time happy and content and in love with me in return, and to give them opportunities to do the same for me.<br />
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It also means I am honest with people -- sometimes painfully so -- and expect them to be brave and truthful and willing to try new things. For me, 'good' polyamoury requires that everyone you are having a relationship with knows about everyone else you are having a relationship with. Sometimes they love the people you love too, and that's when it really gets great.<br />
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It's not 'cheating' the way I do it, because everyone knows what's happening and has agreed to be involved. Everyone is faithful to the 'tribe of hearts' and supports everyone as best they can, both practically and emotionally.<br />
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Having said all that, I am semi-single at the moment and always willing to consider having new people come into my life in a romantic and sexual context.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-29791282166701149242015-03-02T19:44:00.003+00:002015-03-02T19:44:15.826+00:00What We Call Ourselves and OthersA very interesting day today, doing training on Trans* with the LGF (soon to be the LGBTF).<br />
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We started with a briefing on the official modes of address** now to be used within the organisation. The point was made that we shouldn't assume <i>anyone's</i> gender, and it was discussed how to handle telephone calls especially, where voice may suggest gender, but can't be taken as at all conclusive. That we should <b>ask which pronoun** someone wants to use </b>was made clear.<br />
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<i>Would you understand that question if asked, though? I'd personally prefer to ask you what title you use - Ms, Miss, Mrs or Mr? Would I be getting the right info though? Do these options cover all bases?</i><br />
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The guidance given to LGBTF staff is to<b> either use a person's </b>[self-selected]<b> name, or 'they'.</b><br />
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<i>(A good quick guide to alternative pronouns can be found <a href="https://workspace.imperial.ac.uk/equality/Public/Gender%20Reassignment/Resource%20D%20-%20Gender%20Pronouns%20Guide.pdf">here</a>).</i><br />
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Another clear message was never to refer to "The Op", as there are a range of operations trans persons may go through, and not all trans persons "go for the op". Some trans people either don't want to or cannot, due to various health or social issues. <a href="http://www.calpernia.com/video/">Other rude, invasive, irrelevant or prurient questions were also outlined as No-Nos.</a><br />
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We discussed what 'Trans*-inclusivity' means to the organisation. Intersex was mentioned and a reasonable explanation given as to why the organisation has opted to include intersex people within the term 'Trans*'.<br />
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All non-binary people are now going to be welcome into any of the LG(BT)F's gendered groups, though there will necessarily be some exceptions, mostly depending on the specific focus of some groups.<br />
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It was made very clear as the training progressed that we will endeavour not to promise Trans-inclusion for groups, events or services if we can't deliver them, because to do so is one of the quickest ways to upset and alienate Trans* users. If we can't provide a Trans* aspect somewhere we need just to say so.<br />
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<i>My personal feeling is that should be true of the 'B' in LGBT, too.</i><br />
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The Medical and Social aspects of transitioning were explained. The medical process is fairly straight forward, but the culture shock involved in transitioning can be enormous; for example, it was explained how trans women are often horrified to discover they are less heard and less valued in their new gender identity. Likewise, many trans men find it hard to deal with expectations of self-confidence and assertiveness, often having been bullied in the past.<br />
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It was also mentioned how capacity for providing treatment is not sufficient to deal with current and future demand. This is set to become a huge challenge, as already waiting lists are frequently twice as long as the target time of 8 months.<br />
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The legalities of transitioning and of being Trans* were outlined. One of the earliest required steps to transitioning is changing your name, and apparently twelve documents evidencing your name change are required before you can proceed further along the route to obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate (if indeed you want one). Especially noteworthy is the fact that you DO NOT have to tell an employer about having changed identity or having lived under another name in the past, though there could be complications associated with providing references. The online system for obtaining a DBS check already accomodates those who have, or are in the process of, transitioning.<br />
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<i>There was loads more too, but I think this gives a good flavour of what we were taught today. The presenters were excellent and were able to speak directly from personal experience. The training was intensive and left me, personally, with lots to contemplate.</i><br />
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<br />Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-36999069438820285042015-02-26T13:19:00.004+00:002015-02-26T13:44:15.498+00:00Working within my Community<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d4/The_bisexual_pride_flag_(3673713584).jpg/220px-The_bisexual_pride_flag_(3673713584).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/d4/The_bisexual_pride_flag_(3673713584).jpg/220px-The_bisexual_pride_flag_(3673713584).jpg" /></a></div>
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Regular readers will be aware that I am Bisexual. I've started volunteering at <a href="http://www.lgf.org.uk/">Manchester's Lesbian and Gay Federation</a>. I am loving it.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have never been as involved in 'gay life' and 'the scene' before and it is quite a novelty to me as a result. There's so much going on, too!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">First weekend in March there is <a href="http://www.lgf.org.uk/news/sugar-and-spice/">'Sugar and Spice'</a>, a celebration of International Women's Day. I plan to be there, with bells on (possibly quite literally).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Earlier this week I attended <a href="https://www.lgf.org.uk/whats-on/event-detail/?event_id=3171">'Stepping Stones'</a> and learnt a lot as part of Gay History Month.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Bisexual history can be found <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_bisexuality">here.</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also gave thought this week to who amongst the<b> <a href="http://lesbianlife.about.com/od/famouslesbians/tp/FamousLesbians.htm">lesbian and female bisexual icons</a></b> might have inspired me. It took me a while to come up with some names, but here's my list:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.cmgww.com/stars/baker/about/biography.html" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Josephine Baker</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, a fabulous dancer from our earlier history</span></li>
<li><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frida_Kahlo" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;">Frida Kahlo</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;">, a talented Mexican artist whose works I am fascinated by, who was married to Diego Rivera, but numbered Josephine Baker amongst her female lovers</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jodie Foster, a very talented actress</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Alice Walker, author of 'The Color Purple'</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sarah Waters, author of 'Tipping the Velvet', 'Fingersmith' and a number of other fabulous period novels</span></li>
<li><a href="https://jessieblackwood.wordpress.com/2012/09/05/sad-news-2/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jessie Blackwood,</a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> author of 'Per Ardua', 'Life Begins at Forty' and more; also my Best Friend!</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;">Margarethe Cammermeyer, the highest ranking US military official to come out while in the service and campaigner for gay rights in the military</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 25px;">Angeline Jolie, actress and celebrity and very beautiful woman</span></li>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #191919; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 25px;"><br /></span>Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-70107220512070386162015-01-18T22:06:00.002+00:002015-01-18T22:07:41.416+00:00Catfish Watching 'Catfish' and pondering. . .<br />
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I've been very lucky with my online relationships and the people I managed to fall in love with after knowing them online first. They have all, so far, proved to be at least 85% who and what they said they were. We had our own rules about online behaviours versus real life behaviours and in general stuck to those rules and got it all to work. I'm not still with any of these people, but I have met all but one of them in the flesh and we eventually parted friends.<br />
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It startled me at first, then, to learn that some people make up completely fake facebook identities and then have romantic and sexual lives with others via the internet, with 'real' people.<br />
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I'm not talking about people who lie about their marital status when online (I tend to assume a man is married if he is trying to talk with me sexually... sad and judgemental of me, I know, but based on experience).<br />
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I need to make it clear at this point that I am not talking about people who are transgendered or transitioning either, because using a a name that's the gender you feel you are isn't what I am talking about here. Nor am I talking about roleplaying characters online, because in that situation both parties KNOW that they are players acting out roles.<br />
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What I am talking about is people making up fake profiles . . . Let's say for example 'Lily' the budding pop star and Beauty Pageant competitior, . . . and then interacting online with people as this fake identity whilst never fessing up that Lily doesn't actually exist and is 'just words on a page'. . . Meanwhile, the person(s) they are talking to may have fallen in love with / proposed cohabitation to / asked to marry 'Lily' <br />
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As a roleplayer and BDSMer, I do kind of get it, but I also know the difference between 'IC' (In Character) and 'OOC' (out-of-character) and I try to keep those borders well patrolled.<br />
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My exception is the names (pseudonyms and nomme de plumes) I am known by online, but people generally know where the names fit in and why they are in use. <b>The names are also false because I don't believe in giving my real personal details to faceless megacorps whose data security has already, several times, been proven to be too weak and not fit for purpose.</b> That issue alone is enough to justify using 'pen names' online, for me! ;. . . Also, despite my relatively high vigilance when online, someone (non-malicious, thankfully) managed to discover my real name and location by back-tracking through my online presence after just a couple of days of chatting to me. I was able to close that particular loophole, mercifully (the heads up was much appreciated 'Tallulah', big hugs to you!), but took it for the 'warning from the Universe' I believe it was.<br />
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If you are 'playing' anyone right now, please stop. Many truly lonely and distraught people are more honest online than they feel they can be in their real lives (which is a whole 'nother issue) and by playing them you are embedding very real harm in their (already very hard) very real lives. It may not have started for you as anything more than 'a bit of fun', but leading someone on in the way described <b>is a malicious act</b> even though it's just an amusement for you.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-58802175161411742172013-12-25T02:29:00.001+00:002013-12-25T02:29:15.344+00:00Very Sad AnnouncementIt is with enormous sadness that I come to report the death of my partner, AB. He will be sorely missed. He was a generous, kind, attentive and tender man. Blessed Be, dear one xxxKatishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-91142402038234289562013-04-22T23:10:00.000+01:002013-04-22T23:26:52.463+01:00I am currently reading a marvellous fan fiction by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kryptaria/pseuds/Kryptaria">Kryptaria</a> and <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/BootsnBlossoms/pseuds/BootsnBlossoms">BootsnBlossoms</a>, over on AO3, called <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/763816/chapters/1430198">In Name Only</a>.<br />
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I wanted to make comment here about this particular fic, as I know how the Comments one leaves on stories can get lost. The premise of the story is a bit too complex for me to try and explain here (<a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/763816/chapters/1430198">go read it</a>) (and the <a href="http://bootsnblossoms.tumblr.com/post/48617071781/in-name-only-meta-bonds-perspective">Meta from BootsnBlossoms</a>), but it involves an exploration of the Dominant/submissive dynamic and I feel it is a topic important enough for me to address further, here.<br />
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Here's what I wrote in the Comments to this marvellous fiction:<br />
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<h4 class="heading byline" style="background-image: none; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border: 0px; color: white; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 1.143em; font-style: inherit; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.125; list-style: none; margin: 0px auto -0.25em; outline: 0px; padding: 0.25em 0.25em 0.25em 108px; text-shadow: none; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Krekta/pseuds/Krekta" style="border-bottom-style: dashed; border-width: 0px 0px 1px; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Krekta</a> <span class="parent" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">on Chapter 7</span></span></span></h4>
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I could slap Bond (even if he killed me before my hand ever met his stupid face), he's ruining a very beautiful submissive with no care at all. He's stupid and ignorant and selfish and self-absorbed and it's as close to unforgiveable as it can be whilst allowing that half those things are why he is good at his job.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;">Posted </span><abbr class="day" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Monday">Mon</abbr><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="date" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">22</span><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><abbr class="month" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="April">Apr</abbr><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="year" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2013</span><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><span class="time" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">05:01PM</span><span style="font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 18px;"> </span><abbr class="timezone" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-size: 11px; font-style: inherit; line-height: 18px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Eastern Time (US & Canada)">EDT</abbr></span><br />
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I feel the need to comment on my comment, having read the Meta from BootsnBlossoms. It's not a failure in your writing, BootsnBlossoms, that I am so angry at Bond. Quite the opposite actually. You see, whilst you have been in Bond's place, I have been in Q's.</div>
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I have the utmost respect for your work with abused people, because I have been there too. Imagine the conflict of being a victim of abuse (which Q isn't), but also being someone who welcomes (craves) a (consensual) Dominant/submissive relationship; that's where I have spent my life.</div>
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Q has struggled through, to find not only acceptance but to become a valued member of the Marketplace, and in comes Bond crushing him, killing all his hard-won self-confidence and self-worth, and putting him back almost to square one. Back to reviling himself for his honest feelings and emotional and sexual needs.</div>
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Bond is doing what he thinks is in Q's best interests. He is trying to 'save him from himself', believing him a victim. It's how the majority of Vanilla people think when they hear about BDSM of any sort. I'm not confusing the fantasy of story and the reality of life here when I say "We don't need none of your goddamn rescuing!". I;m speaking up for myself and my peers, who as _consenting adults_.</div>
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I could go on and on, but I'll not. Your writing is brilliant, that's why it is stirring such strong emotions in me. Seeing Q so filled with doubt that he starts seeing his life as a delusional fantasy land is ripping my heart out for him, though. Please give this an ending that _both_ participants would consider Happy, even if some readers may never understand that's what it is.</div>
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*Moved to tears*</div>
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Posted <abbr class="day" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Monday">Mon</abbr> <span class="date" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">22</span> <abbr class="month" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="April">Apr</abbr> <span class="year" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2013</span> <span class="time" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">05:23PM</span> <abbr class="timezone" style="border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Eastern Time (US & Canada)">EDT</abbr></div>
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I'm here again!</div>
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shaded_sun said:</div>
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<i style="font-style: oblique;">"I've changed my perspective, since I read Boots' meta thoughts on Bond. (I should have really read it before reading this chapter. ) I can see that it's very difficult for Bond to change the point of view of a lifetime - human trafficking, abuse, all the terrible aspects. I guess I have been somewhat blinded by my fanfic (generally BDSM-friendly) rose-tinted glasses. If you've seen what Bond has most likely seen in his line of work, I can definitely understand how it'd take more than a few days to think outside of that mindset and even longer to *believe* that those people chained, kneeling, at the Bistro and the restaurant and the shibari demonstration, that they are not the same as the trafficked slaves he's more familiar with. Thanks for the thinky-meta post, Boots! :)"</i></div>
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I wanted to make it clear that in no way whatsoever do I intend to minimise the horribleness of human trafficking or child abuse. Nor do I want to deny the character of Bond his experiences and outlook.</div>
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Trafficking and paedophilia are illegal, immoral and wholly unacceptable behaviours.</div>
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Being Dominant or submissive (or Sswitchy) are states of mind (and spirit) which are as worthy of defense as are being homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, heterosexual or etc. and should not be considered illegal, immoral or unacceptable.</div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Posted </span><abbr class="day" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Monday">Mon</abbr><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span class="date" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">22</span><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span><abbr class="month" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="April">Apr</abbr><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span class="year" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2013</span><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span><span class="time" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">05:42PM</span><span style="background-color: #2a2a2a; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;"> </span><abbr class="timezone" style="background-color: #2a2a2a; border: 0px; cursor: help; font-family: monospace; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; list-style: none; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" title="Eastern Time (US & Canada)">EDT</abbr></span><br />
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I whole-heartedly support the right for non-heterosexual people and people who wish to partake of BDSM to determine and police their own course of actions. I utterly oppose the tendency of certain cohorts of Vanilla people to judge us and find us 'terrible'. It's as bigoted and backward as considering other people 'terrible' for having non-white (pink) skin.<br />
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I also whole-heartedly support the civil authorities in opposing human trafficking and paedophilia, which involve the NON-CONSENSUAL subjugation of others.<br />
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Too, I oppose the forces in this world that non-consensually make soldiers and rape victims out of children, even where those forces are the civil authorities.<br />
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Herein endeth the Rant.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-67947687476287422492012-08-31T11:43:00.001+01:002012-08-31T20:20:54.483+01:00<h2>
<b>Why John Isn't Gay</b></h2>
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Thanks go today to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/TSylvestris/pseuds/TSylvestris">TSylvestris</a> for writing a story with purpose, in the form of the short fanfic <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/500028">'Why John Isn't Gay'</a>, and writing it so well.<br />
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The author TSylvestris is right; realising that love isn't neatly sortable by gender - not your own nor that of your soulmate(s) - is a tough journey, and can be a lengthy and challenging one. Personally I concluded most recently that I am simply '<b>humano-sexual</b>'. I love people for their <b><u>souls</u></b>, not for the flesh-clothing they are wearing or for how they accessorise or label that flesh. It's taken over half a lifetime to work it out, though. I guess the next bit is learning to love myself for the soul I have, too, regardless of my own flesh-clothing, labels and accessories...<br />
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I'd like to sign-post people to the '<a href="http://youwillriseproject.blogspot.co.uk/">'You Will Rise Project'</a> as well as to the <a href="http://www.thetrevorproject.org/">Trevor Project</a> and to <a href="http://www.itgetsbetter.org/">It Gets Better</a>. I don't want to just support young people who are struggling to come to terms with the idea that sexuality isn't a binary thing. Older people run into the same sorts of issues when suddenly they realise they are not who they thought they were and that love just got more complex than they ever expected. I'm proud (in all senses of the word) to say that my own city is trying to address this, through the <a href="http://www.lgf.org.uk/">LGF</a>. I want to also urge people who happen to be feeling the age barrier in their journey to their authentic selves to stick with the trip, too.<br />
<br />
It's also worth thinking about the idea that sometimes the journey matters, too, not just the destination. My own evolution has been lengthy and complex and not always nice to have to live through. Living through it means you get to feel the elation of coming out the other side, though. You also get to be with the people your life is truly about meeting, including your '<a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200909/rediscovering-and-reclaiming-the-authentic-self">authentic self</a>*'.<br />
<br />
And there is an end to <i>every</i> tunnel, even if it's night outside of it and so you can't see the light at the end right now; just <i>please</i> give yourself the chance to <b>keep on walking </b>down the tracks 'til you get there, cos if you give up while you are still in the dark you will be leaving the person who is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel alone, to always wonder where you went and why you never met up with them.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>*My interpretation of 'authentic self' is 'the core being (person) you were before other people's values and agendas messed with your head; the person we are all travelling back towards being'.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This entry is dedicated to 'Silver', to 'Daniel' and to Jessie, with gratitude and eternal love and hope.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
.<br />
<br />
P.S. I'd like also to recommend the story <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/198418">'Seems so Easy for Everyone Else'</a>, by <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Stochastical/pseuds/etothepii">etothepii</a>, where similar but different issues are addressed. The recommendation for this story is dedicated to MistressHeather, Scrimshaw and Luvbnd.<br />
.<br />
.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-53720358222679266982012-07-09T14:29:00.002+01:002012-07-09T14:45:16.577+01:00<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>'Adult' content in fan fiction and other genres</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I understand that one of the sites I have, in the past, published on, recently made the decision to start removing some of the 'MA' rated fiction from their site. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I vehemently disagree with this action.</span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="background-color: white;">"Fiction M can contain adult language, themes and suggestions. Detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature is considered Fiction MA."</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><a href="http://www.fictionratings.com/">http://www.fictionratings.com/</a></i></span></blockquote>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also don't understand why the site in question has allowed authors, recently, to class their writing as 'MA' and publish it as such when they claim they haven't accepted MA stories since 2002.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Other sites recently started removing NC-17 material as well, including some mainstream publishers of e-books. One such move was prompted by the demands of certain banks, inflicted upon PayPal and thence onto their service users.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">NC-17 is a rating used for some films in America:</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><span style="color: #134f5c; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"No one under the age of 17 is permitted in a theater to watch a film with this rating. The MPAA gives a film an NC-17 rating based on "violence, sex, aberrational behavior, drug abuse or any other element that most parents would consider too strong and therefore off-limits for viewing by their children. </span><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> </span></i><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://movies.about.com/od/miscellanous/f/film-ratings.htm" style="background-color: white; text-align: right;"><i>http://movies.about.com/od/miscellanous/f/film-ratings.htm</i></a></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">(In the UK the rating equivalent to NC-17 would be an '18' (over 18s only). There is no drect equivalent of 'MA', since it is 15+ OR <i>under 15 if accompanied by an adult</i>, so it falls somewhere <span style="background-color: white;">between our '12' rating and out '15' rating).</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>I cannot state vehemently enough how opposed I am to the suppression or censorship of creative works by corporate, financial, religious, political and governmental bodies. If humans do it, we should be able to write, paint, draw or perform works about it. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a sexual abuse survivor I have a vested interest in this situation, because what happened to me, in real life, involved <span style="color: #351c75;"><b>"<i style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">violence, sex [and] aberrational behavior"</span></i><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></b></span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;">. </i></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">I cannot express my experiences and my views on such issues, whether that be in fiction or factual writing or artwork, then the door is left open for those who would seek to inflict the same behavior on new victims. Abuse happens behind closed doors. The victims of abuse are told not to tell. We MUST tell in order to stop the abuse! </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a pansexual / bisexual / humanosexual / Queer I need to be able to speak of myself and my tribe(s). I need to be able to express my views, describe my practices and expose the lies people tell about who I am and what I get up to. I need to be able to tell the stories of my tribe(s), so that our history may be preserved and those who need to find and join us may do so.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a pagan I need to be able to discuss my faith, my belief, my hopes, fears, concepts and understanding of this life. Some members of my faith feel that the practices of the faith should not be disclosed to the uninitiated; having lived past lives that ended in torture and fire I understand their concerns, but wonder what impression the stance gives to outsiders in the present time. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As an artist, and as a sufferer of mental ill-health, I<i> need</i> to speak of my personal vision, my insights, experiments, nightmares and explorations. I cannot allow all that accumulates in my head to go unexpressed, because it would, quite literally, kill me to remain silent. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Silence allows those who would eradicate our tribe(s)--or disenfranchise or gag the members thereof--the opportunity to promote wildly inaccurate fantasies about what we may or may not get up to behind our own 'closed doors'. Silence can cause those moderates who might otherwise support us to wonder and to doubt, and thus our causes are weakened,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am fortunate enough to be able to say, without serious fear of death, or imprisonment (though not violence, even here in the 'enlightened' West), that I will not allow my voice and the voices of others to be censored or silenced whilst any means of self-expression remains open to me. I support wholeheartedly those who live in regimes where such freedom is unobtainable and will work to gain them the same freedoms, where it is in my abilities to do so.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*****</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is a practice among those who write fan fiction to include in their profiles various statements about their fandoms, their beliefs and their politics, and to ask others who agree with them to re-post these short statements onto their own profiles. Thus I offer these two:</span><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you believe that it is your RIGHT to be able to publish overtly sexual content (NC-17(+)) so long as it has a warning on it, PLEASE copy and post this on your own blog.</span></strong></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If it is your intent to fight corporate, financial, religiou</span></strong><strong style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">s, political and governmental attempts to censor and suppress the creative works of yourself and others please copy and paste</span></strong></blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">*****</span></div>
<br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Despite their stance on NC-17 literature, the site I refer to above has a very good, user friendly system in operation. I can quickly find my own works and those of others which I have especially enjoyed. It will notify me when favourite stories are added to and it will tell me when my favourite authors have published something new<i> (provided of course the works sought are not NC-17 and have not been removed)</i>. I have yet to find a site which offers as much easily accessed interactivity. I will not, therefore, remove my existing works from the site, but in future I will be publishing on sites which do not censor their content to exclude NC-17 works, even though I rarely write such works myself. </span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #660000;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>You will find my newer work, presently,</b></span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://katisha-mistressmorish.blogspot.co.uk/">on my own (writer's) blog</a>, on the <a href="http://redemptionreef.wordpress.com/">Redemption Reef</a> blog and 'coming soon' at <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/">Archive Of Our Own (AO3)</a> and <a href="http://www.whofic.com/dbdown.html">A Teaspoon and an Open Mind</a></b></span></blockquote>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hope that in time those publishers and other institutions who currently feel they need to bow to the demands of those who support censorship of the Arts will 'grow a pair' and say 'NO'. I praise those who already actively resist censorship of the Arts and I remember those Artists, Writers and Performers who in the past had their work removed from galleries, theatres or presses, whose perseverance has proven that resistance is never futile! Blessed Be!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>.This post was originally made to my writing blog, <a href="http://katisha-mistressmorish.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Mistress Moreish.</a></i></span></div>Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-58352957406333643112012-04-01T10:28:00.004+01:002012-04-01T10:29:44.677+01:00Revelations and RevolutionsI am currently reading one of Jack Rinella's books, 'Philosophy in the Dungeon: The Magic of Sex and Spirit'.<br />
<br />
I have been an admirer of Jack Rinella's writing for a long time now. Jack is mainly known for his involvement in the BDSM ad Leather lifestyles. He's lived with his slave, Patrick, 24/7 for a long time now. He speaks at conventions and other cultural events and his style is very much 'no frills, tell it how it is'. It was a small surprise to me, then, to learn that Jack is also travelling a path to enlightment and has written about it so well and so elegantly in this marvellous volume. I should have known of course, because Jack has always been a rabid pursuer of the truth and the meaning behind things.<br />
<br />
Sex magic is a much whispered about but rarely elaborated-upon aspect of Magic. In this book Jack Rinella has brought light to the topic. He's also brought his humility (a rare thing amongst authors who write about Magic), his experiences, his life, his trials and tribulations and his joys and transformations.<br />
<br />
Whilst the word 'Philosophy' in the title might make it sound daunting and dry-dusty, this book is far from that. There is warmth, there is humour, their is strength and pride and there is a very real desire to share learning.<br />
<br />
I highly recommend this book not only to the Leather, BDSM and LGBTQ communities, but also to the Pagan, Wiccan and Witch communities as well as to the rest of humanity. On the other hand, if you are easily shocked, prudish, afraid of sex, close-minded, bigoted or stupid this is probably not the book for you, though, because it might dangerously alter your understanding of the world and of sex and love, including the love of the Divine and our reasons for being in this life.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-17781479225632331452012-02-02T11:14:00.000+00:002012-02-02T11:14:07.106+00:00Riding the range on my hobby-horseI read a lot, as those who follow my blog will know. Lately I've been reading cowboy stories. Now, I admit, cowboys don't completely flip my switches, unlike cops and bodyguards, but I've been seriously enjoying the works of J.R.Loveless, Zahra Owens and R.J.Scott. It's been frustrating too, though, to read about men who, to maintain the 'macho het' mask they feel socially obliged to wear, sleep with women as well as men but who never even contemplate whether this might mean they are bisexual rather than gay.<br />
<br />
I suppose in the end I am going to have to write the book myself that tackles this subject properly. I am sick, though, to see that even good 'Gay Romantica' authors are just as blind to the possibility of bisexuality as many people who identify as gay in 'real' life seem to be. <br />
<br />
I am on my hobby-horse, yes. I do resent bisexuality being seen as either a convenient smoke screen for 'what's really going on' or as a stepping stone to accepting 'the truth' that you are actually gay, in fiction as well as in 'real' life. <br />
<br />
I will continue riding the range aboard my cute little pinto hobby-horse, because I am NOT confused, in denial, hiding from the 'truth' of my gay-ness, sitting on the fence or exploiting the supposed social 'acceptance' being bisexual gives! <br />
<br />
Writers, please wake up and accept that if you find your character telling you they can love a woman as well as they love a man, or vice versa, they very probably are telling you they are bisexual rather than being a 'conflicted' gay.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-91362823991593679182012-02-02T11:10:00.000+00:002012-02-02T11:10:43.468+00:00Riding the range on my hobby-horseI read a lot, as those who follow my blog will know. Lately I've been reading cowboy stories. Now, I admit, cowboys don't completely flip my switches, unlike cops and bodyguards, but I've been seriously enjoying the works of J.R.Loveless, Zahra Owens and R.J.Scott. It's been frustrating too, though, to read about men who, to maintain the 'macho het' mask they feel socially obliged to wear, sleep with women as well as men but who never even contemplate whether this might mean they are bisexual rather than gay.<br />
<br />
I suppose in the end I am going to have to write the book myself that tackles this subject properly. I am sick, though, to see that even good 'Gay Romantica' authors are just as blind to the possibility of bisexuality as many people who identify as gay in 'real' life seem to be. <br />
<br />
I am on my hobby-horse, yes. I do resent bisexuality being seen as either a convenient smoke screen for 'what's really going on' or as a stepping stone to accepting 'the truth' that you are actually gay, in fiction as well as in 'real' life. <br />
<br />
I will continue riding the range aboard my cute little pinto hobby-horse, because I am NOT confused, in denial, hiding from the 'truth' of my gay-ness, sitting on the fence or exploiting the supposed social 'acceptance' being bisexual gives! (It is actually less socially acceptable and more socially awkward to be bisexual than to be gay, because you frequently find yourself rejected by both 'camps' rather than just the one)! <br />
<br />
Writers, please wake up and accept that if you find your character telling you they can love a woman as well as they love a man, or vice versa, they very probably are telling you they are bisexual rather than being a 'conflicted' gay.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-89750584906183042272011-12-21T23:05:00.000+00:002011-12-21T23:05:51.996+00:00Bit of a RantI posted this on my Facebook today and decided I felt it was important enough to blog it here too.<br />
<br />
A friend posted this link:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b014pw7d/Its_My_Story_Getting_Bi/">It's My Story: Getting Bi</a><br />
<br />
Having listened to this quite interesting, though short, radio documentary I felt I wanted to respond. This is the resultant little rant I placed on Facebook:<br />
<br />
"You know, for the record... Bisexuality is no more of a choice than being gay is. I <b>am<b></b></b> bisexual; I am <b>not</b> a lesbian who is in denial. I will have a physical relationship with anyone, regardless of gender, <b>PROVIDED I LOVE THEM</b> and they are up for it. Nor am greedy (despite being polyamorous). I am just aware that a) what twiddly bits someone happens to possess has no bearing on whether I can like or love them, and b) I have learnt by experience that loving someone 'with all of your heart' can be done to more than one person at a time. To quote the documentary, "some people ARE Bisexual, so get over it!" Some people are also poly, so get over that one too."<br />
<br />
Thanks for listening :-)<br />
.<br />
.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-37345532702189033452011-09-06T22:59:00.000+01:002011-09-06T22:59:06.300+01:00HIV - Know your statusEveryone should know their HIV status, and have it updated regularly. As a polyamorous person I am very conscious of how important it is to monitor your sexual health. You have a responsibility to all your partners, but also to <b>yourself</b>. HIV positive is not a death sentence, unless you stay ignorant of your status. The sooner someone is diagnosed the better their chances of survival are. It's my feeling that we all should get tested regularly, even if we believe we are in a monogamous relationship. <br />
<br />
I'd actually like to promote testing for all STIs, not just HIV. <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002321/">Chlamydia</a> is a massive problem here in the UK, particularly amongst teens and twenty-somethings. The consequences of contracting an STD such as hepatitis or herpes can be horrendous, changing your life forever. Please, look after those you love, look after your 'friends with benefits', look after your one-night-stands. Above all, look after yourself.<br />
<br />
Sexual health is a two-way street. No good knowing your own status unless you are sure about your partner(s)too. Being asked to take a test isn't a sign of a lack of faith or trust. Asking someone else to get tested is saying you care and want them to stay well.<br />
<br />
This post is made in support of the <a href="http://www.lgf.org.uk/testing?utm_source=LGF+weekly+bulletin&utm_campaignjavascript:void(0)=80e1c39420-Weekly_Bulletin_09_06_2011&utm_medium=email"><b>'Know Your HIV Status'</b></a> campaign.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-19067805972380044692011-07-14T16:11:00.000+01:002011-07-14T16:11:51.148+01:00Stepping Stones - Coming OutI attended my first 'Stepping Stones' meeting this week. This is a 'women only' discussion group which meets at the LGF in Manchester. (There are equivalent meetings and groups for men). The topic under discussion was 'Coming Out'. These are the notes I made about the topic, based on the observations and experiences related by those in attendance:<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Coming out is an ongoing thing... You are always coming out.</i></b><br />
Learning this was both a relief and a terror for me. A relief, because I am now reassured that I am, apparently, 'doing it right'; a terror because I was thinking that you come out and then it's done and you can get on with your life. Not so, though. <br />
I hadn't thought about it, but every time you start a new job, make a new friend or join a new social circle you face the debate of whether to come out to these relative strangers.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>It's important to choose carefully who you come out to and when. Consider the 'why' too.</b></i><br />
Speaking personally, I have some issues with the concept of 'Coming Out'. Heterosexual people don't feel obliged to announce their orientation to all and sunder. It's not ever their opening gambit to say "Oh, by the way, you know I am straight, right?". Some attendees expressed similar feelings. I was prompted to ponder whether we might someday have no need to announce ourselves? I truly hope we are headed for that day. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>There may be people you don't <u>need</u> to come out to.</i></b> <br />
For example, one person explained that she is out to her work colleagues, but doesn't feel the need to be out to her clients. Someone did disclose that they had experienced difficulties when they came out at work; there was a debate amongst managers as to whether she could be allowed to continue working in the area she was in once she disclosed her orientation. I feel it's important to note that this attendee still felt that coming out at work was the right thing for her to do and that in the long run it was beneficial in her particular circumstances.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>Collect your allies</b></i><br />
Be aware of who you can enlist to help you or back you up when you come out. Maybe you have a relative who is gay and out, so you can slip in comments such as "I'm so like Aunt Alice you know..." Or have your sibling or friend, or someone else influential with the person(s) you are about to come out to at hand when you broach the subject.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>You have to realise that your partner, if you have one, may not be <u>able</u> to be out.</i></b> <br />
They might lose not only their relatives but also their whole social and cultural network if they come out. Ostracisation is a very horrible thing to be faced with. This leads me to the question, though, of how you respond to the fact of one of you being out and the other not? Is it a viable situation in the long term? Will 'guilt by association' out your closeted partner eventually anyway, and if it does how will you respond to that as a couple?<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>There are lots of ways to come out</b></i><br />
You can go for the formal bit of sitting your audience down and discussing everything with them. Alternatively you might get a friend who knows drunk and let them tell all your other friends. Or maybe you could wait until your kids out you - it's inevitable that they will. If you like taking risks you could just bring your partner home with you or take them to a family gathering, or disclose to your colleagues that the mysterious 'Ryan' or 'Kevin' you've been talking about, your supposed partner, is actually <u>this</u> person, and her real name is Jenny. <br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Signs of 'being gay'</i></b><br />
You are probably giving yourself away in a variety of subtle ways anyway; the people you are considering telling may have worked it pout for themselves already.<br />
Your close relatives or friends might even be hinting that they know, or fishing to see how you respond to things like "She's pretty, isn't she?".<br />
<br />
Too, a few people did mention that they seem somehow to be wearing a neon signs above their heads declaring them to be gay. Other gay people, even strangers, approach them with 'a nod and a wink', indicating they are recognised to be part of the tribe. I've experienced this myself, not as being part of the 'gay tribe', but as being part of the 'witchy tribe'. Numerous pagans have 'given me the nod', spoken about our faith unprompted or invited me to participate in tribal events without me saying anything about my being a witch. This has prompted me to wonder whether those who approach us in this way could somehow be reading our proclivities in our auras? An interesting thought!<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>Lots of gay people used to be in a heterosexual marriage</b></i><br />
Lots of people also use this fact to question whether you are gay once you come out to them. People get married for all sorts of reasons: peer pressure, family pressure, a desire to have children, the thought that maybe they can 'get over' their feelings for others of the same sex... the list is probably endless.<br />
<br />
When divorce happens the reasons given for break down of the marriage include: "irreconsilable differences", and even "associating with unsuitable parties".<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Gay parents--like many parents in general--may feel isolated.</i></b><br />
In Manchester and its environs at least, there is an informal network that can be accessed, where families can join up to enjoy social activities like visiting a theme park in a group or kicking a ball around in the park together. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>There's more protection in schools for gays nowadays.</b></i><br />
This was, as an educator, a perception that surprised me, knowing how many teen suicides still occur as a result of orientation-related bullying. What people seemed to be saying, though, was that things are much easier for youngsters now than they were when they were teens.<br />
<br />
One of the attendees revealed that a ten year old had recently come out to her son at school. Another attendee spoke about her child's friends expressing that: "Your Mum's great". Personally, I also wondered what reactions people get when they attend 'parents evening' with their same-gender partners.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Being out to your neighbours</i></b><br />
It seems that if you are out in your local community you suddenly become 'representative' of the whole tribe; how you are perceived reflects on the rest of us. No-one mentioned that you may also be stereotyped until people around you learn better, but I'm guessing this is also true. A couple of people did mention that they had experienced straight people keeping their kids away from them...<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>So you're out now...What next?</i></b><br />
Mix! Get out and about. You can't meet someone if you are not going to the right places. Find out where people gather and get in there. The 'scene' can be daunting, so maybe joining one of the many smaller social groups that are sponsored by the LGF (or similar organisations in your area) will be a good first step if you are shy or nervous. (The Manchester 'hotspots' for meeting gay women are 'Vanilla' and 'Coyotes', apparently. I believe Taurus is popular with the bisexual community, but that one needs confirming as yet). <br />
<br />
<b><i>The general theme of the meeting seemed to be:<br />
<u>"Work out what you want and pursue it".</u><br />
<br />
<br />
Coming out is different for everyone</i></b><br />
Sometimes it's easier than you expected. Sometimes it's difficult. Sometimes you do lose people from your life when you come out. Other people will surprise you with their positive and supportive responses. If you already have allies and friends it's easier then to bear those times when someone does reject you because you came out to them. There is a 'tribe' and it probably pays to get to know them by joining the groups you feel are appropriate to your circumstances. The tribe is less scary than you might think and far more willing to embrace and support you than you might be imagining.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Queer or Gay?</i></b><br />
The majority of the women present at the meeting identified as being 'gay'. The term was used in preference to the word 'lesbian', which seemed to be a disapproved of term, rather un-PC. It was mentioned that a friend of one of the attendees had expressed that they were 'omni' or 'queer', because these terms were more inclusive of various orientations. I was disappointed to realise, though, that the term 'Omni' was not really familiar or properly understood by some who were present.Following my experience of attending the Stepping Stones meeting I realise that my choice to identify as 'Omnisexual' is right, and I can also claim the term 'Queer' when describing myself to others in the various tribes that fall under this over-arching umbrella term.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=75323959753">Stepping Stones on Facebook</a><br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>The following is the description the group gives of themselves on Facebook:</b></i><br />
<br />
<blockquote>"Stepping Stones is an informal peer support group for women who identify as lesbian, bisexual or who are exploring their sexuality.<br />
<br />
"The group provides a safe and welcoming space for women who are new to the area, ‘coming out', have just come out of a relationship.<br />
<br />
"The group chooses and organises discussions around such things as sexual health, homophobia and coming out and also invites guest speakers, which have previously included legal issues and health and well being.<br />
<br />
"The group is for women aged from 18 years old, with no upper age limit..."<br />
</blockquote><br />
I did find the group very welcoming. If you are nervous or shy you can arrange to meet a representative in advance of the meeting to help you settle in, as I did. The meeting space used was very informal and extremely comfortable. Tea and coffee was available and the kitchen area was very clean and tidy. There was a good range of ages present, though I was quietly made aware that there is another similar group for older women too... The majority of the discussion was carried by a small subgroup of attendees, but it was very easy to contribute if you chose to. Lots of people simply listened, you don't have to speak if you prefer not to. I am really glad I decided to take a step onto my first Stepping Stone and I look forward to meeting people there again soon.<br />
.<br />
.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-85845328981237169402011-04-27T21:45:00.003+01:002011-04-27T21:45:53.481+01:00Bless this Manv<object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/GrEbJBFWIPk&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/GrEbJBFWIPk&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-88923850888377534312011-04-09T16:23:00.003+01:002011-04-09T16:25:45.979+01:00WaySeerThis is important, so go look at it, and if you 'get' it, sing up and sign up!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://wayseermanifesto.com/">WaySeer Manifesto</a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://platform.ak.fbcdn.net/www/app_full_proxy.php?app=4949752878&v=1&size=o&cksum=e0fc89daba5484266f2402fd9cb77a0c&src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wayseers.org%2Ftest%2Ffacebook%2Fimages%2FManifesto.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="660" width="410" src="http://platform.ak.fbcdn.net/www/app_full_proxy.php?app=4949752878&v=1&size=o&cksum=e0fc89daba5484266f2402fd9cb77a0c&src=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wayseers.org%2Ftest%2Ffacebook%2Fimages%2FManifesto.gif" /></a></div>Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-27991086732803978902011-03-09T22:41:00.000+00:002011-03-09T22:41:17.791+00:00Polyamoury - excellent articleThere's a short but brilliant article about polyamoury <a href="http://thepaganandthepen.wordpress.com/2011/02/15/monogamy-and-polyamory-taboo-relationships/">here</a>.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-1076909930969627872011-02-26T18:23:00.002+00:002011-02-26T18:23:36.343+00:00What not to ask a gay guy (or a bisexual person)<iframe width="480" height="295" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ehhVv748OOU?fs=1" frameborder="0" allowFullScreen=""></iframe><br />
<br />
Thanks to Davey Wavey for this wonderful video. What he says goes for what not to ask a Bisexual Babe Woman like me too... <br />
<br />
Not really! I love answering dumb questions from even dumber questioners, especially when I am using MIRC. Ask away peeps, but remember I have a most evil sense of humour. You have been warned.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-14935024937663174842011-02-10T21:16:00.001+00:002011-02-10T21:20:17.248+00:00More stuff Haydn has saidHaydn, in the same post I blogged about earlier, says:<br />
<br />
<blockquote><i>The more sexually vulgar I could be the better. I loved to shock, be controversial and say things to put people off me. I had an almost obsessive need to have sex with any man I could find. I just wanted to have sex with someone who had not had to force me, hold me down, make me cry and cause me pain. I wanted to be in charge for a change.</i></blockquote><br />
I've been there. I still am there sometimes. I control people by how and when I disclose things. I like to shock, to shake up their happy little pictures of who I am. I don't make things up, though. I don't have to. I really have dated five people at once/ I really am a witch. I really am bisexual. My manipulations involve who I disclose what to, and at which moment I do so.<br />
<br />
I've come to realise lately how important 'control' is to me, mainly because my life has been taken out of my hands so much lately. Maybe that is why D/s relationships interest me. <br />
<br />
Haydn's wish to <i>"put people off me"</i> rings true too. It's a defense mechanism, I believe. If you've been abused you don't really want people to touch you, either physically or emotionally, and most definitely you don't want to risk being hurt by their touch. So we develop ways of making ourselves revolting to others, either through looks or mannerisms, by what we say or what we do, by making ourselves seem eccentric or plain old crazy. Been there and still doing that.<br />
<br />
<br />
If you recignuse the kind of person Haydn speaks about, ask them some day if they have been abused in the past. We can't be other than we are, but I will tell you that if you try, if you look past the front and make contact with the interior person, you will find a friend--or maybe even a partner--so loyal and loving that you may never get rid of them.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-60909673202027718612011-02-10T20:44:00.003+00:002011-02-10T21:17:09.199+00:00Cabbages and KingsA friend has been running some blog entries past me by a guy called <a href="http://hadyn.co">Hadyn</a>. Hadyn was abused as a child, as I was. He gives a very personal account of his life and his feelings.<br />
<br />
In this episode, <a href="http://hadyn.co/sexually-abused-death-reincarnated-darkness/">'Sexually Abused to Death'</a>, Haydn talks about the ghost of the child he was before the abuse began. I recognise this concept in myself. Effectively I stopped growing my persona at the age I started being abused. Someone else came along to fill what should have been her shoes. The low self-confidence and bitterly low self-esteem I experience when I enter what I term 'a downslide' belong to who she became, not who she was meant to become. <br />
<br />
Person Centred Counselling (which I have accessed a number of times) attempts to help us be who we were meant to be, stripped of the rubbish other people (significant people like parents, teachers and abusers) have caused us to pick up since we were born - our 'authentic self'. I am reminded of a kids show I used to watch (Crackerjack) when I think of this...they had a game every show where the kids won a prize every time they got a question right and a cabbage every time they got one wrong. They got to keep answering questions for as long as they could hold the pile of prizes and cabbages. The art of being our 'authentic selves' is learning keep the prizes and lose the cabbages. PCC is an attempt at a 'reset'.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm not my authentic self, in PCC terms. I may never get to be that person. You see, you can discard the cabbages, but their smell hangs around.<br />
<br />
So yes, I too am haunted by the child I was before the abuse. I catch tiny glimpses of her. Occasionally she comes along and stamps her feet and acts up, too. As a little girl it's all she knows how to do, or has the strength to do, when faced with injustice and cruelty and wrongness. She's dead but she doesn't know it, and she won't lie down like a good little corpse.<br />
<br />
<br />
Haydn says:<br />
<blockquote><i>I am sure abusers and those who have never been abused fail to realise that the abuse lives with the abused for the rest of their life.<br />
<br />
For an abuser it is an act of pulling up his pants and leaving the room but for the abused it is a lot more than that. An abuser thinks with his very little head whereas the abused has to think with the head on his or her shoulders.</i></blockquote><br />
I disagree. <b>I believe abusers know exactly how great an impact they are making. I believe that's a part of what gets them off.</b> It is that which makes the act of abuse so unforgiveable as far as I am concerned.<br />
<br />
It's interesting that my friend directed me to this particular part of Haydn's blog today, because there was an episode of 'Doctors' on this afternoon which posited that it was 'so sad' that a one-time abuser was rejected by his wife when the truth came out. The character committed assault on a girl of 12 when he was 20. His wife gets pregnant when he is 45 and he explains to her why her proposing to keep the baby is distressing him so much. When she turns away from him he commits suicide. Good riddance, imho. The writer clearly wanted us to empathise with the man, who had 'paid his dues' by going to prison for what he did. Only problem is, in the real world, his victim would never get to exhume her child-self from the grave his act of perversion put her into. So if your bleeding heart feels abuse and assault is can be absolved by a period of jail time and /or chemical castration, shove it up your a*s*!<br />
.<br />
.Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31738163.post-23664541519993457132010-12-18T13:05:00.004+00:002010-12-18T13:19:31.598+00:00The Down Side of ChristmasI am very aware that Christmas brings with it a high rate of suicides. Please, if you are down over the holidays, <b>don't choose this option</b>. No matter what you are feeling right now, you are an important part of the universe and very much needed here. <br />
<br />
I especially want to tell those who are low because of gender issues that you are very loved, no matter what you have heard or what treatment you have received from bigots or from those in your family who cannot see you for the beautiful person you really are. <b>You deserve to live and to have the chance to find love and acceptance. </b> Please don't take away that right from yourself.<br />
<br />
If you are in Manchester you can start your search for help at the <a href=" http://www.lgf.org.uk/wheres-your-head-at/">LGF in Manchester.</a> <br />
<br />
If you are <a href="http://www.llgs.org.uk/">LGBT and in need of help and are in London</a> try here: 020 7837 7324 (daily 10am -11pm) <br />
<br />
If you are in Wales the <a href="http://community.vivastreet.co.uk/charity+swansea-sa1/lgbt-helpline/16156405">LGBT Cymru</a> Helpline is 0800 840 28069<br />
<br />
Or try here at the <a href="http://www.galha.org/local-helplines-and-support-groups/">Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association.</a><br />
<br />
<br />
I have Seasonally Affected Disorder, OCD Hoarding, Depression and Anxiety issues. I know how horrendously down this time of year can get people because I've been there myself. The black dog loves to come nipping at my heals at this time of the year, and I did <b>ring the Samaritans</b> on Boxing Day once.<br />
<br />
In the UK dial 08457 90 90 90. In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90.<br />
<br />
Or visit the <a href="http://www.samaritans.org/default.aspx">Samaritans website</a> for more info<br />
<br />
<br />
If you are not in Britain, the <a href="http://www.befrienders.org/">Befrienders website</a> tells of help available worldwide.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Stay safe and cling to hope. If you're alive something can always be done. Blessed Be.</b>Katishahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04860093655508138998noreply@blogger.com0