I am currently reading a marvellous fan fiction by Kryptaria and BootsnBlossoms, over on AO3, called In Name Only.

I wanted to make comment here about this particular fic, as I know how the Comments one leaves on stories can get lost. The premise of the story is a bit too complex for me to try and explain here (go read it) (and the Meta from BootsnBlossoms), but it involves an exploration of the Dominant/submissive dynamic and I feel it is a topic important enough for me to address further, here.

Here's what I wrote in the Comments to this marvellous fiction:

Krekta on Chapter 7

I could slap Bond (even if he killed me before my hand ever met his stupid face), he's ruining a very beautiful submissive with no care at all. He's stupid and ignorant and selfish and self-absorbed and it's as close to unforgiveable as it can be whilst allowing that half those things are why he is good at his job.

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:01PM EDT

I feel the need to comment on my comment, having read the Meta from BootsnBlossoms. It's not a failure in your writing, BootsnBlossoms, that I am so angry at Bond. Quite the opposite actually. You see, whilst you have been in Bond's place, I have been in Q's.

I have the utmost respect for your work with abused people, because I have been there too. Imagine the conflict of being a victim of abuse (which Q isn't), but also being someone who welcomes (craves) a (consensual) Dominant/submissive relationship; that's where I have spent my life.

Q has struggled through, to find not only acceptance but to become a valued member of the Marketplace, and in comes Bond crushing him, killing all his hard-won self-confidence and self-worth, and putting him back almost to square one. Back to reviling himself for his honest feelings and emotional and sexual needs.

Bond is doing what he thinks is in Q's best interests. He is trying to 'save him from himself', believing him a victim. It's how the majority of Vanilla people think when they hear about BDSM of any sort. I'm not confusing the fantasy of story and the reality of life here when I say "We don't need none of your goddamn rescuing!". I;m speaking up for myself and my peers, who as _consenting adults_.

I could go on and on, but I'll not. Your writing is brilliant, that's why it is stirring such strong emotions in me. Seeing Q so filled with doubt that he starts seeing his life as a delusional fantasy land is ripping my heart out for him, though. Please give this an ending that _both_ participants would consider Happy, even if some readers may never understand that's what it is.

*Moved to tears*

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:23PM EDT

I'm here again!

shaded_sun said:

"I've changed my perspective, since I read Boots' meta thoughts on Bond. (I should have really read it before reading this chapter. ) I can see that it's very difficult for Bond to change the point of view of a lifetime - human trafficking, abuse, all the terrible aspects. I guess I have been somewhat blinded by my fanfic (generally BDSM-friendly) rose-tinted glasses. If you've seen what Bond has most likely seen in his line of work, I can definitely understand how it'd take more than a few days to think outside of that mindset and even longer to *believe* that those people chained, kneeling, at the Bistro and the restaurant and the shibari demonstration, that they are not the same as the trafficked slaves he's more familiar with. Thanks for the thinky-meta post, Boots! :)"

I wanted to make it clear that in no way whatsoever do I intend to minimise the horribleness of human trafficking or child abuse. Nor do I want to deny the character of Bond his experiences and outlook.

Trafficking and paedophilia are illegal, immoral and wholly unacceptable behaviours.

Being Dominant or submissive (or Sswitchy) are states of mind (and spirit) which are as worthy of defense as are being homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, heterosexual or etc. and should not be considered illegal, immoral or unacceptable.

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:42PM EDT


I whole-heartedly support the right for non-heterosexual people and people who wish to partake of BDSM to determine and police their own course of actions.  I utterly oppose the tendency of certain cohorts of Vanilla people to judge us and find us 'terrible'. It's as bigoted and backward as considering other people 'terrible' for having non-white (pink) skin.

I also whole-heartedly support the civil authorities in opposing human trafficking and paedophilia, which involve the NON-CONSENSUAL subjugation of others.

Too, I oppose the forces in this world that non-consensually make soldiers and rape victims out of children, even where those forces are the civil authorities.

Herein endeth the Rant.

Why John Isn't Gay

Thanks go today to TSylvestris for writing a story with purpose, in the form of the short fanfic  'Why John Isn't Gay', and writing it so well.

The author TSylvestris is right; realising that love isn't neatly sortable by gender - not your own nor that of your soulmate(s) - is a tough journey, and can be a lengthy and challenging one. Personally I concluded most recently that I am simply 'humano-sexual'. I love people for their souls, not for the flesh-clothing they are wearing or for how they accessorise or label that flesh. It's taken over half a lifetime to work it out, though. I guess the next bit is learning to love myself for the soul I have, too, regardless of my own flesh-clothing, labels and accessories...

I'd like to sign-post people to the ''You Will Rise Project' as well as to the Trevor Project and to It Gets Better. I don't want to just support young people who are struggling to come to terms with the idea that sexuality isn't a binary thing. Older people run into the same sorts of issues when suddenly they realise they are not who they thought they were and that love just got more complex than they ever expected. I'm proud (in all senses of the word) to say that my own city is trying to address this, through the LGF. I want to also urge people who happen to be feeling the age barrier in their journey to their authentic selves to stick with the trip, too.

It's also worth thinking about the idea that sometimes the journey matters, too, not just the destination. My own evolution has been lengthy and complex and not always nice to have to live through. Living through it means you get to feel the elation of coming out the other side, though. You also get to be with the people your life is truly about meeting, including your 'authentic self*'.

And there is an end to every tunnel, even if it's night outside of it and so you can't see the light at the end right now; just please give yourself the chance to keep on walking down the tracks 'til you get there, cos if you give up while you are still in the dark you will be leaving the person who is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel alone, to always wonder where you went and why you never met up with them.



*My interpretation of 'authentic self' is 'the core being (person) you were before other people's values and agendas messed with your head; the person we are all travelling back towards being'.


This entry is dedicated to 'Silver', to 'Daniel' and to Jessie, with gratitude and eternal love and hope.
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P.S. I'd like also to recommend the story 'Seems so Easy for Everyone Else', by etothepii, where similar but different issues are addressed. The recommendation for this story is dedicated to MistressHeather, Scrimshaw and Luvbnd.
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