What We Call Ourselves and Others

A very interesting day today, doing training on Trans* with the LGF (soon to be the LGBTF).

We started with a briefing on the official modes of address** now to be used within the organisation. The point was made that we shouldn't assume anyone's gender, and it was discussed how to handle telephone calls especially, where voice may suggest gender, but can't be taken as at all conclusive. That we should ask which pronoun** someone wants to use was made clear.

Would you understand that question if asked, though? I'd personally prefer to ask you what title you use - Ms, Miss, Mrs or Mr? Would I be getting the right info though? Do these options cover all bases?

The guidance given to LGBTF staff is to either use a person's [self-selected] name, or 'they'.

(A good quick guide to alternative pronouns can be found here).


Another clear message was never to refer to "The Op", as there are a range of operations trans persons may go through, and not all trans persons "go for the op". Some trans people either don't want to or cannot, due to various health or social issues. Other rude, invasive, irrelevant or prurient questions were also outlined as No-Nos.


We discussed what 'Trans*-inclusivity' means to the organisation. Intersex was mentioned and a reasonable explanation given as to why the organisation has opted to include intersex people within the term 'Trans*'.

All non-binary people are now going to be welcome into any of the LG(BT)F's gendered groups, though there will necessarily be some exceptions, mostly depending on the specific focus of some groups.


It was made very clear as the training progressed that we will endeavour not to promise Trans-inclusion for groups, events or services if we can't deliver them, because to do so is one of the quickest ways to upset and alienate Trans* users. If we can't provide a Trans* aspect somewhere we need just to say so.

My personal feeling is that should be true of the 'B' in LGBT, too.


The Medical and Social aspects of transitioning were explained. The medical process is fairly straight forward, but the culture shock involved in transitioning can be enormous; for example, it was explained how trans women are often horrified to discover they are less heard and less valued in their new gender identity. Likewise, many trans men find it hard to deal with expectations of self-confidence and assertiveness, often having been bullied in the past.

It was also mentioned how capacity for providing treatment is not sufficient to deal with current and future demand. This is set to become a huge challenge, as already waiting lists are frequently twice as long as the target time of 8 months.


The legalities of transitioning and of being Trans* were outlined. One of the earliest required steps to transitioning is changing your name, and apparently twelve documents evidencing your name change are required before you can proceed further along the route to obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate (if indeed you want one). Especially noteworthy is the fact that you DO NOT have to tell an employer about having changed identity or having lived under another name in the past, though there could be complications associated with providing references. The online system for obtaining a DBS check already accomodates those who have, or are in the process of, transitioning.


There was loads more too, but I think this gives a good flavour of what we were taught today. The presenters were excellent and were able to speak directly from personal experience. The training was intensive and left me, personally, with lots to contemplate.

I am currently reading a marvellous fan fiction by Kryptaria and BootsnBlossoms, over on AO3, called In Name Only.

I wanted to make comment here about this particular fic, as I know how the Comments one leaves on stories can get lost. The premise of the story is a bit too complex for me to try and explain here (go read it) (and the Meta from BootsnBlossoms), but it involves an exploration of the Dominant/submissive dynamic and I feel it is a topic important enough for me to address further, here.

Here's what I wrote in the Comments to this marvellous fiction:

Krekta on Chapter 7

I could slap Bond (even if he killed me before my hand ever met his stupid face), he's ruining a very beautiful submissive with no care at all. He's stupid and ignorant and selfish and self-absorbed and it's as close to unforgiveable as it can be whilst allowing that half those things are why he is good at his job.

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:01PM EDT

I feel the need to comment on my comment, having read the Meta from BootsnBlossoms. It's not a failure in your writing, BootsnBlossoms, that I am so angry at Bond. Quite the opposite actually. You see, whilst you have been in Bond's place, I have been in Q's.

I have the utmost respect for your work with abused people, because I have been there too. Imagine the conflict of being a victim of abuse (which Q isn't), but also being someone who welcomes (craves) a (consensual) Dominant/submissive relationship; that's where I have spent my life.

Q has struggled through, to find not only acceptance but to become a valued member of the Marketplace, and in comes Bond crushing him, killing all his hard-won self-confidence and self-worth, and putting him back almost to square one. Back to reviling himself for his honest feelings and emotional and sexual needs.

Bond is doing what he thinks is in Q's best interests. He is trying to 'save him from himself', believing him a victim. It's how the majority of Vanilla people think when they hear about BDSM of any sort. I'm not confusing the fantasy of story and the reality of life here when I say "We don't need none of your goddamn rescuing!". I;m speaking up for myself and my peers, who as _consenting adults_.

I could go on and on, but I'll not. Your writing is brilliant, that's why it is stirring such strong emotions in me. Seeing Q so filled with doubt that he starts seeing his life as a delusional fantasy land is ripping my heart out for him, though. Please give this an ending that _both_ participants would consider Happy, even if some readers may never understand that's what it is.

*Moved to tears*

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:23PM EDT

I'm here again!

shaded_sun said:

"I've changed my perspective, since I read Boots' meta thoughts on Bond. (I should have really read it before reading this chapter. ) I can see that it's very difficult for Bond to change the point of view of a lifetime - human trafficking, abuse, all the terrible aspects. I guess I have been somewhat blinded by my fanfic (generally BDSM-friendly) rose-tinted glasses. If you've seen what Bond has most likely seen in his line of work, I can definitely understand how it'd take more than a few days to think outside of that mindset and even longer to *believe* that those people chained, kneeling, at the Bistro and the restaurant and the shibari demonstration, that they are not the same as the trafficked slaves he's more familiar with. Thanks for the thinky-meta post, Boots! :)"

I wanted to make it clear that in no way whatsoever do I intend to minimise the horribleness of human trafficking or child abuse. Nor do I want to deny the character of Bond his experiences and outlook.

Trafficking and paedophilia are illegal, immoral and wholly unacceptable behaviours.

Being Dominant or submissive (or Sswitchy) are states of mind (and spirit) which are as worthy of defense as are being homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, heterosexual or etc. and should not be considered illegal, immoral or unacceptable.

Posted Mon 22 Apr 2013 05:42PM EDT


I whole-heartedly support the right for non-heterosexual people and people who wish to partake of BDSM to determine and police their own course of actions.  I utterly oppose the tendency of certain cohorts of Vanilla people to judge us and find us 'terrible'. It's as bigoted and backward as considering other people 'terrible' for having non-white (pink) skin.

I also whole-heartedly support the civil authorities in opposing human trafficking and paedophilia, which involve the NON-CONSENSUAL subjugation of others.

Too, I oppose the forces in this world that non-consensually make soldiers and rape victims out of children, even where those forces are the civil authorities.

Herein endeth the Rant.