Contemplating the Wisdom of Others #1

I've been reading up... I want to understand myself better, and think that reading what others have written about their experiences of being Bisexual and Polyamorous will help me with that process. I believe in the Internet and the World Wide Web's ability to improve communication and enhance our understanding of things, so I incline to share what my research reveals to me.

Something that comes across strongly in what I have read so far is the Bisexuals experience some difficulties from the Gay and Lesbian communities as well as the Heterosexuals. It's not something I have experienced myaelf, since I have never been a part of the Lesbian community and therefore cannot be perceived of as 'switching sides' or 'betraying' my 'true' identity.

Let's be straight, I AM PANSEXUAL, or bisexual, if you prefer that more familiar term. I'm not on my way to becoming a Lesbian. This isn't a journey, it's a destination reached.

I used to think, when I first romantic love and sexual attraction for another woman, that I perhaps was a Lesbian. It bothered me, though, because I didn't 'feel' like a Lesbian--however that was meant to feel? I liked men. My woman liked men too. We liked each other even more. That didn't gel with what I imagined Lesbians would feel. That's because I never was a Lesbian; neither was my woman, but it took time to realise what we each were.

This has been said of the Bisexual experience:

"Because our society is so polarized between homosexuals and heterosexuals, the bisexual closet has two doors...

The sexologist Kinsey has created a 0-6 scale in which people are rated as to their homo/heterosexuality. I think of myself as off the scale. To me, the Kinsey scale has as much relevance as if everyone were evaluated on a spectrum of whether they were more attracted to people with brown eyes or green/blue eyes. Gender is just not what I care about or really notice in a sexual partner (pp4-5).

"I can barely imagine what it's like to be a lesbian or a straight woman, to be attracted to women because they are female--and that is sexy--or to men because they are male."

Jane Litwoman

The assertion, (reportedly especially popular amongst homosexuals), that bisexuality , and by implication bisexuals, do not exist is patently faulty--I am stood here before you and I am neither heterosexual nor homosexual. Or am I both?

I actually define myself as humano-sexual or pansexual, but your word for me would probably be bisexual. I am an impossible thing according to some of you. I am a mythological being--a unicorn, a dragon, an angel.

In truth, sexuality isn't the standard I apply to myself. I LIKE sex. I fucking love to fuck! I am an eleven on a scale of one to ten when it comes to my desire for sexual activity. If I want sex I am not thinking about gender. I can foind sexual pleasure and fulfilment with a man, a woman or a piece of plastic (and most other materials).

I am humano-connective, or humano-romantic. I LOVE humans, the persons inside the bodies everyone else seems to be obsessed with. I am pan-romantic. I am beyond labelling.

"Sexuality is also based on clan and tribal customs, and sometimes that tribal opinion has changed as a result of generations of governmentally approved and financed missionary activity. (p37)

"I acknowledge my openness to express affection with someone I love. I will not prevent an honest friendship to manifest itself sexually, no matter what sex the person is. (p38)

Joe Rios

I am finding that several of the authors were near to my own present age at the point when they came out. Is there something to this, or do people my age simply understand and express themselves more easily than other age groups? It would be interesting to discover if hetero- and homosexuals blossom around the same age. Is it a 'Croning' thing, perhaps?

"...I am coming to expand my consciousness far beyond genital sex and straight romantic love and to feel the ways in which eroticism energises and empowers my life. I am now validating my bonding with women more, and as I love women more, I love men in a new and better way. I can love them as human beings rather than as superior beings from whom I am to derive my existence. (pp40-41)

"Although life would be easier if all women lived in a lesbian utopia and all men were villains, as a bisexual I perceive people as individuals rather than as ,e,bers of a group. I will not reject a good man just because he is a man, and I will not tolerate mistreatment from a woman just because she is a woman." (p42)

Laura Johnson

Bibliography

Hutchins, L. (Ed) and Kaahumanu, L. (Ed.), (1995), Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out, Alyson Publications Inc.
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Hyphenation

Apparently I;ve been adding a hyphen where there shouldn't be one... The word, it seems, is 'Bisexual', not 'Bi-sexual'. The reason given for this is as follows:

Bisexuality is not Bi-sexuality

Bisexuality is not a combination of heterosexuality and homosexuality. We're not half formed or half committed. We're whole.

We are not bi-sexual, we're bisexual! The word is in the dictionary - it's not two words put together. Pretending the word "bisexual" doesn't exist is a tiny, trivial way of denying our legitimacy, but it still is one. After all, if what we have is two sexualities then maybe we should pick one and stick with it?

But in reality there's no indecision, no uncertainty, no halves. And what's more, bisexuality isn't a bridge between Gay and Straight. So, perhaps there's no need for hyphens. Incidentally, even people who write "bi-sexuals" don't use "bi-sexuality". Time for some consistency, perhaps?

Have you ever met a bisexual who prefers to be a bi-sexual? No, us neither - and we've met plenty who hate it. That hyphen makes the stress longer, the pause audible. It's a chance to dwell on the syllable "sex" straight after. But it's not all about sex, and we don't have two competing natures.

From: The Bisexual Index

So, that's me told, apparently.

Mythbusting

I am eternally grateful for those humans who seek to correct misconceptions and mythbust the nonsense people pick up and take to be 'wisdom'. One such is this website:

The Bisexual Index

These wonderful folks give us the following insights:

Bisexuals...
...aren't confused
...aren't greedy
...needn't be 50:50
...aren't gender binary
...are Queer
...need a community
...can be faithful
...can have 1 partner
...don't always alternate
...don't have it easier
...might not be 'fluid'
...aren't a phase
...might be 'barsexuals'
...aren't spreading HIV
...might be your partners
...aren't everyone
...are real

Invisible Men (and Women)

This is an extract from a BBC site: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A543872

I present it here for consideration by my readers.

The huge majority of straight people retain a great deal of ignorance about bisexuality, often viewing it as homosexuality minus the personal integrity of complete honesty. They cling to stereotypes that bisexual people are untrustworthy, dishonest, promiscuous, insatiable, and generally up to no good. A few straight people immediately cast any bisexual persons they know into the traditional role of villain. They may change their mind if they get to know the person better, or they may not...

If the straight community is rife with ignorance and reliance on stereotypes, the gay community's reaction can be much more variable. Some gay people understand bisexuality very well and treat bi people and their differences with respect. Others fall back on the same old stereotypes. There are also a few gay people who think of bisexual folks in the gay community as spies or traitors whose real allegiance is to the straight mainstream culture.

It seems that a few gay people are engaged in a game of transference, where they take the stereotypes for homosexuality and mentally move the most onorous to bisexuals. Bisexual people have even been accused of being responsible for AIDS, for instance, as if it were a given that bisexual people are promiscuous and dishonest about their HIV status while gay people are the opposite. Some gays also assume that bisexual people have no interest in gay rights, and may argue that bi people should be relegated to the sideline of the gay rights movement so their differences do not cloud the 'real' issues...

In a sense, bisexuality is a relatively invisible orientation. A person who assumes everyone is straight or gay can get away with it much of the time. But this is changing. While bi people have always been active in the fight for gay rights, the past two decades have marked a change. Most gay rights groups now acknowledge the existence of bi members in their group, sometimes by adding the word bisexual or the letter B to their name.

Bisexual people are also coming out in increasing numbers. As with homosexuality, they are finding that straight and gay people who have multiple bisexual friends and acquaintances are more accepting and less prejudiced. There is, after all, strength in numbers.

Finally, there is a growing awareness that bisexual people have a unique perspective on gender roles, gay rights, and other issues pertaining to sexual orientation. While the mass media may not have caught on in most areas, more and more individuals are recognising that bi people are neither gay, nor straight, nor something in between. They are themselves, and they are worthwhile in their own right.

To view complete article on original website:
H2G2

Bi History - Bi-sexual Visibility Day

Thursday 23rd September is International Celebrate Bi-sexuality Day. I plan to celebrate my sexuality on this day by attending the event BiPhoria has organised in Manchester, and in any other way I can think of meantime. I'll write how it goes here afterwards too.

First observed in 1999, Celebrate Bisexuality Day is the brainchild of three United States bisexual rights activists: Wendy Curry of Maine, Michael Page of Florida, and Gigi Raven Wilbur of Texas.

http://september23.bi.org/
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Bi History

*Rant Warning*

Okay, I've been looking at the Stonewall website today...There's a section there labelled: 'History of lesbian, gay and bisexual equality'. Having read this, though, I am left with several questions, not least of which is 'Do Bi-sexuals have any History?'. Stonewall seems to think not. There are plenty of references to social changes and campaigning brought about through Gay and Lesbian action, but not a whisper regarding bi-sexuals, or of how historical changes have affected us or been affected by us.

Invisible again? Dismissed as irrelevant or less important than Gays or Lesbians? It has me angry, but it genuinely has me asking, too... Have Bi-sexuals impacted on society enough to change attitudes and legislation? Is our invisibility, our absence from historical reference, our own fault? Answers and comments very much invited.

Writing Lyle

I spoke about writing Lyle over on my Mistress Moreish blog. I want to share some of what I learnt here too though. The character of Lyle is a transgendered male. He was born into a female body and he wants to change so that his body matches his identity. For Lyle gender is anything but irrelevant.

Lyle starts his story at the point where he has been living as a man for a little over two years, and has just started taking hormones to help change his body to that of a male, which is who he is. Lyle is gay. Our story takes him through his first proper date as a man, with another man, Gil.

I researched this section of the story very carefully. I found a lot out about how Lyle might feel, what he would want and not want in a lover and how the practical aspects of making love would affect his experience. I also found out a lot about how TG persons feel about the way they are portrayed in the media and in fiction.

I'm very grateful to the TG persons and fellow authors who helped me write this entry to the Haven Falls website. It was very challenging and it taught me some things both as a writer and as a supporter of people of ALL genders and gender identitites.

What did I learn? Well I hadn't realised previously what side effects Transmen experience from taking hormones. I had guessed at how they might feel about physical contact, but was glad to confirm I had gotten it right. I found out about the preferred language for addressing the issues and the persons involved and about which areas of the topic of transitioning are most charged for those participating in the process. I found out what the various options for surgery are for Transmen, that not all TG people do transition, and that transitioning is costly in both financial and, more importantly, emotional and social terms. I hope people feel I do justice to the topic and that I am portraying Lyle faithfully and sympathetically. Feedback about my writing is always welcomed, especially if you cvan offer constructive criticism or advice on how to do it better next time.

(In)Frequency of my Blogging

It's scary how time flies. If you read my blogs you'll know that I don't just blather on. Writing here daily isn't a goal for me. Writing daily has become a goal for me though. I've got a couple of newer blogs now, including the one I use for commenting in my aspirations of becoming a professional author. That one is at:

http://katisha-mistressmorish.blogspot.com/

There you can read about my exploits at Haven Falls, where I am writing the fictional tale of a transgendered male,Lyle Ashley Tate. You can also find out about the other writing projects I am currently invilved in.

I also now blog about learning to write. You can find that on at:

http://katisha-theartisanauthor.blogspot.com

Here I'm writing about the craft and art of being a writer, including citing references and quoting bits from others who have written on the subject. The aim there is to helpo myself retain the things I learn and to assist others who are learning to write too.

So, new blogs to follow and new paths being trodden. I'll be keeping this blog up to date (as much as I ever do anyway) and sharing what I learn about writing and life from portraying Lyle in Haven Falls. I;m also contemplating writing a book featuring a TG character and / or a bi character soon. Will keep you posted.

Going on an Outing - Part One

I've been contemplating my own state of 'OUT'-ness over the last month or so. This was prompted by the approach, and then passing, of PRIDE.

I have four lots of 'OUT'-ness to deal with. I am Pansexual. I am Polyamorous. I am Pagan. I experience some Mental Health difficulties (damn shame that condition of being can't be made to start with a P too, isn't it?). You might think I have a fifth and maybe even a sixth 'OUT'-ness to deal with, as I am also an avid science fiction and fantasy fangirl and gamer-geek.

The other week I accidentally 'Outed' myself as Bi / Pansexual to some of those people I know on FaceBook whilst talking about my excitement about the approach of PRIDE. No-one has reacted at all. I experienced a few minutes of “Oh my God!” about it, then realised that people I've Friended on FB probably either already know, have guessed, or don't care.

In truth, I couldn't be sure who I am 'out' to and who I am not 'out' to, and about what. I've stopped being too precious about things. If a moment comes in a social situation where I can react as my true self or I can react in a closeted way I now usually speak as Trueself. Occasionally I even challenge bigotted or ignorant behaviours or talk in public, if I feel safe in the environment in question.

Readers of my fiction and fanfiction should know of my sexuality, assuming they pay attention to my Biography setion, since my writing blog and my fanfiction blog both mention that I am Pansexual / Bi-sexual and Polyamorous. Anyone familiar with this blog will be aware of it too, now if not before...

The place I am mostly not 'out' in is at work. Having said that though, I am 'out' as polyamorous to immediate colleagues (okay, I get a certain frisson of amusement and naughtiness from outing myself in regard to being Poly), and 'out' as Bi (because Pansexual usually means nothing to the lay person and I don't especially want to have to explain the intimate truths of my sexual orientation to people, not even those I trust and / or love) to one person at work, only very recently, though. I am 'out' as Pagan / Wiccan to a number of my students, who have recognised the pentagram I wear for what it is and have asked me about it because they think of themselves as either Pagan or Wiccan.

The other place I am not 'out' as is with my blood relatives. This isn't to say they don't know, just that I never confirmed their 'worst suspicions / fears'. If he was paying attention, one of my nephews knows now, because I have him on FaceBook.

My siblings have gone through various stages of suspicion, mainly I think guessing me to be a lesbian (I can't blame them for guessing wrong, since I thought that myself once long ago). I confused their assumptions when I (publically) got myself a boyfriend, though. Of course, I suspect, they never considered I might be Bi, but assumed their earlier guess had simply been wrong, since they'd never known me to come home with a girlfriend and now I had come home with a boyfriend.

My sister has already repeatedly expressed her disappointment in me as a relative, so I doubt she would take any direct confirmation of my orientation and outlook well, especially since her partner is 'Christian', with a capital C, and they already think I need 'saving' because I am out to them as Pagan. (Gods help me if the 'W' word were ever to come up!). That 'outing' I did myself; my sister asked what the necklace I wear all the time meant – it's a pentagram and I explained it's meaning to her, which led to a fun hour or so. (I hadn't known they were 'Christian' until that day – they hadn't 'outed' themselves as that until then).

My brother seemed less phased than my sister when I told them both (in an indirect way) I am Polyamorous. (I suspect my sister didn't actually believe my story of having had multiple partners at the same time, who all knew about each other – after all, I am too fat and ugly and geeky for anyone to be interested in me sexually, right? Wrong).

I've started 'outing' myself on various levels to a handful of 'mundane' friends recently too. So far it's not proven too traumatic. Of course I can't hear their thoughts when I tell them, or when they go away and have time to think about it. I'm at a relatively early stage in regard to deliberately and specifically 'outing' myself, so maybe I just haven't experienced all of the associated fallout yet.

So why am I proceeding down this path? I'm not exactly sure, except that I want more freedom to be Trueself. I also, frankly, want to expend less energy on thinking about who knows what about me and what their consequent opinions of me might be. If people leave my life because they can't be comfortable around that person maybe that's okay? Maybe it's best for both them and me? Other people will come into my life because they meet Trueself. The best people will stay in my life because they are happy to know Trueself, or have known her longer than those who choose to run away from her and actually Love her.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for today on the topic. If you have a reaction or an opinion (other than feeling I need 'saving' – which I promise you I don't) leave me a message.

Terrific Evening Out

My beloved 'wife' went to the Blue Gillespie gig in Manchester with me last night. This was the very first time since we got 'married' that we went out as an OUT couple anywhere beyond the Village. It was terrific. I got to enjoy the band and my beloved both at the same time ! Blue Gillespie are amazing 'live' and I am still squee about the whole evening.

Very appropriate that this gig should be our first 'public appearance', since it is thanks to Gareth David-Lloyd's performance in Torchwood that we got back together and agreed to 'tie the knot'. Ianto's explanation of his relationship with Captain Jack to his family finally allowed ny 'wife' to realise what I meant to her and that labelling is irrelevant, it's love that always beats the darkness.

Feeling

I haven't found a gay / LGBT writer's site to post this to, so I am inflicting it on the world via this blog. Hope you like it.


maribou fingertips dancing on skin
sea-reflected light on a wooden deck
scent of sun-dried cotton shirts
taste of salt from a raging cock
rustling of wind in fresh-washed hair
heat of your hand on my back in the night
stream trickling away a mountainside
of fear and hurt


xxx

Erotica, Porn and Authorship

Firstly I wanted to say that, having been reviewing my blog, I feel the introductory passage below the title may give a false impression that I disapprove of sexual writings. I very much don't! It's just that you won't find any on this particular blog.

I actually do write erotica and porn, and support others who do likewise. I just publish elsewhere than here. I also write poetry, science-fiction and fantasy stories. If you would like a taste of the sort of stuff I do publish (and there is a lot that I write and don't publish) you can check me out at FanFiction and Writers' Dock, where I write under the name of 'Krekta'.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to congratulate my best friend, Jessie Blackwood, on the acceptance of one of her manuscripts and the forthcoming publication thereof. It's a great story, babe !

Re-Branding

I've avoided the spikey topic of 'labelling' and of gay-bi-het politics for a long while here. I guess really I prefer to be in denial about the existence or importance of gender politics, because I am so content with my own definition of my sexual self.

My definition has changed since I started this blog, back in 2006, though. Then I considered myself 'bi-sexual'. That was because I didn't know any other ways to express my orientation. Nor had I examined my sexual experiences closely enough to realise that I am actually a polyamorous, omnisexual (aka pansexual) homosapien.

I knew it back in 2006, or I would not have titled this blog the way I did. Gender truly is irrelevant to me when forming attachments with people, or indeed when choosing whether to make love with them or not. In the past I have had both TG and TS partners, as well as enjoying more 'mainstream' connections. I just didn't know all of the 'correct' (PC/popular) terms for who I am. I probably still don't.

For both political reasons and communicational and emotional convenience I am still prepared to subscribe to the label of 'bi-sexual', though. There aren't any omnisexual support groups or social groups I am aware of. The public (including the homo-public) have little understanding of the term 'bi-sexual', let alone 'omnisexual'. (I suspect that mostly Joe and Jane het, in their ignorance, would probably think I was into animals as well; I'm not, though I have been friends with those who claimed to be before now. That's a whole other posting though !)

As for 'pansexual', being a witch, I find it hard to use the word because it connects for me to the worship of Pan. I have no problem with that, except it's a bit specific, since I worship all sorts of gods, thought forms and concepts. I am not willing to risk putting noses out of joint with the rest of them by constantly referring to Pan when talking about my sexual and emotional identity.

I suppose I should also say at this stage that I do believe the 'bi' is the default setting on humans, and it is nurture and social pressure that leads to the drawing of boundaries and the whole thing of being expected to carve your sexual orientation in stone.


If you are wondering what has provoked such musings on my behalf, I am currently wading my way through Marjorie Garber's 'Bisexuality and the Eroticism of Everday Life'. It's a quite academic text, and 607 pages it's not exactly 'light' reading, but it has me thinking a lot more about gender politics and sexual identity than I have for a long time.

Curse or not, to quote Ianto Jones, (my favourite bi-sexual character of the moment, from 'Torchwood'), 'I read'.

Marry Me a Little - Commentary

I'm currently authoring an elaborate tale with Jessie Blackwood (of FanFiction fame), and this video has formed part of the inspiration for what we are doing. It's taught me just how much is involved in arranging a Civil Partnership and Commitment Ceremony ! God bless those of you out there who are currently participating in this time-consuming and emotionally demanding process ! May you all share long life and great joy and happiness.

To read Jessie's excellent Janto fic go to

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1976178/Jessie_Blackwood

Marry Me a Little

Hot News: Torchwood 3 Team Banned from Argo

I love this so much ! Warning - Sexual content

Get it here (the video, you naughty reader !):

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=73045403163&h=gLdlQ&u=pSbYP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uxTpyCdriY

Correspondences invited

Still alive and kicking. I've been in the same relationship now for what I would guess is about eight years. I miss the challenge of being polyamorous, but I love my single partner very much. I'd love to correspond with people who are poly, so leave me a message if you feel likewise.

I'm not a swinger, btw, so don't offer me your 'loved' ones. Polyamoury is different from swinging in my world.

Fond Thoughts of Old Friends

It's a long time since I posted. Really this is just to show the blog is still in use.

I remain with my single vanilla partner. He is a blessing and I love him very much.

In my head and heart I am still polyamorous and kinky, just a bit 'lapsed' these days. I'd love to hear from old friends, so if you know me drop me a note. I'd especially love to hear how my dear Scrimshaw, Luvbnd and TinyOne are getting along, if any of you happen across this blog.

Pub Signs

I was musing during a bus ride this week, as you do... I wondered what pub name I'd choose if I owned a pub. I concluded I liked the name 'Horse and Honey Bee'. Why ? Well it's a little jest, a play on words... Colloquial baby talk for a horse is 'gee-gee', so from the title you get GGB... Girl, Girl, Boy, you see ;-)