I've been through three lots of Trans* Awareness Training now. The audiences for these were, respectively: professionals, volunteers and service users. I've learnt a lot, and I have started getting my head around the issues and the behaviours and language expected of me in each of those roles.
It's been a quite revelatory experience for me, mostly because a change of self-perception has occurred alongside all of this learning. It's going to be complex to try and explain here, mostly because I suspect people will say my experiences are new and related to the teaching I've been given. I do want to assert most strongly though that my recent 'Eureka's' have come along as part of a very long-term evolution of self and self-perception.
A few weeks ago I had a very male, quite challenging, persona appear as a part of my psyche. He declared his name, told me he was gay and generally made a pest of himself. He's younger and much more assertive than I usually am and has made it clear he doesn't like our body because it doesn't match his perception of himself.
It's taken me a while to get used to this persona. He's quite a bit 'not me'. When I take a longer view of myself, though, he starts to make sense. . .
I have experienced male personas a lot in the past. Generally they come and go, but a couple have stuck around long-term and pop up when something relevant to them is going on. I have a few female personas that chip in from time to time too, on top of my 'residing' persona. I want to stress, at this point, that this is not a mental illness -- the personas are aspects of the whole person that I am and are completely aware of one another.
Historically, too, as I have said to my partners at times, some days the best way I can describe myself is "I've got a cock on today". By this, I mean that I am both experiencing a 'phantom cock' and am generally in a headspace that is not female or feminine in any way. My drives, tastes and moods are other than I usually experience as a woman.
So, not too surprised to meet this guy in my head, except he's quite rude to me!
Contemplating this latest development at the same time as learning new words and new definitions of the gender identities people manifest, I have now come to the conclusion that I am 'genderfluid', and have been for a very long time.
I'm also having to deal with my 'new*' persona's body dysphoria. It'\s nothing new to me not liking my own body -- I've struggled with my weight all my life -- but wanting to change it or feeling serious distaste for it has never been a place I've been at. It's quite perturbing suddenly realising that inside of me is a persona who has serious issues with our presentation, shape and gender, and he's not afraid of moaning about it!
I also have a feeling of 'obligation' to this persona, which is another new development. I feel that he needs to be taken into consideration as I live my life, unlike other personas who have expressed themselves previously.
My partner hasn't expressed too much surprise at all of this, which has astounded me, because I am struggling to get my head round it and thought she would too! To my great surprise, she's actually accepted the persona and told him to shut the f*ck up and stop being a bitch to me! I have a truly wonderful, amazing and talented partner!
So, to update my 'profile', I now consider myself a genderfluid, humanosexual ( / bisexual / pansexual), panromantic polyamorous person. I present as female most of the time, but some days I am not travelling through my life with a female's head, heart or sensibilities.
Too, I now have a better understanding of my anger management issues, my mood swings, my inclination to depression, my relationship with my body and the long-standing sense of not knowing who I am or what I am here for. Win!
*new -- I don't think this persona is 'new', so much as he has chosen now to express himself very strongly.
.
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Showing posts with label gender binary. health care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gender binary. health care. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Monday, March 02, 2015
What We Call Ourselves and Others
A very interesting day today, doing training on Trans* with the LGF (soon to be the LGBTF).
We started with a briefing on the official modes of address** now to be used within the organisation. The point was made that we shouldn't assume anyone's gender, and it was discussed how to handle telephone calls especially, where voice may suggest gender, but can't be taken as at all conclusive. That we should ask which pronoun** someone wants to use was made clear.
Would you understand that question if asked, though? I'd personally prefer to ask you what title you use - Ms, Miss, Mrs or Mr? Would I be getting the right info though? Do these options cover all bases?
The guidance given to LGBTF staff is to either use a person's [self-selected] name, or 'they'.
(A good quick guide to alternative pronouns can be found here).
Another clear message was never to refer to "The Op", as there are a range of operations trans persons may go through, and not all trans persons "go for the op". Some trans people either don't want to or cannot, due to various health or social issues. Other rude, invasive, irrelevant or prurient questions were also outlined as No-Nos.
We discussed what 'Trans*-inclusivity' means to the organisation. Intersex was mentioned and a reasonable explanation given as to why the organisation has opted to include intersex people within the term 'Trans*'.
All non-binary people are now going to be welcome into any of the LG(BT)F's gendered groups, though there will necessarily be some exceptions, mostly depending on the specific focus of some groups.
It was made very clear as the training progressed that we will endeavour not to promise Trans-inclusion for groups, events or services if we can't deliver them, because to do so is one of the quickest ways to upset and alienate Trans* users. If we can't provide a Trans* aspect somewhere we need just to say so.
My personal feeling is that should be true of the 'B' in LGBT, too.
The Medical and Social aspects of transitioning were explained. The medical process is fairly straight forward, but the culture shock involved in transitioning can be enormous; for example, it was explained how trans women are often horrified to discover they are less heard and less valued in their new gender identity. Likewise, many trans men find it hard to deal with expectations of self-confidence and assertiveness, often having been bullied in the past.
It was also mentioned how capacity for providing treatment is not sufficient to deal with current and future demand. This is set to become a huge challenge, as already waiting lists are frequently twice as long as the target time of 8 months.
The legalities of transitioning and of being Trans* were outlined. One of the earliest required steps to transitioning is changing your name, and apparently twelve documents evidencing your name change are required before you can proceed further along the route to obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate (if indeed you want one). Especially noteworthy is the fact that you DO NOT have to tell an employer about having changed identity or having lived under another name in the past, though there could be complications associated with providing references. The online system for obtaining a DBS check already accomodates those who have, or are in the process of, transitioning.
There was loads more too, but I think this gives a good flavour of what we were taught today. The presenters were excellent and were able to speak directly from personal experience. The training was intensive and left me, personally, with lots to contemplate.
We started with a briefing on the official modes of address** now to be used within the organisation. The point was made that we shouldn't assume anyone's gender, and it was discussed how to handle telephone calls especially, where voice may suggest gender, but can't be taken as at all conclusive. That we should ask which pronoun** someone wants to use was made clear.
Would you understand that question if asked, though? I'd personally prefer to ask you what title you use - Ms, Miss, Mrs or Mr? Would I be getting the right info though? Do these options cover all bases?
The guidance given to LGBTF staff is to either use a person's [self-selected] name, or 'they'.
(A good quick guide to alternative pronouns can be found here).
Another clear message was never to refer to "The Op", as there are a range of operations trans persons may go through, and not all trans persons "go for the op". Some trans people either don't want to or cannot, due to various health or social issues. Other rude, invasive, irrelevant or prurient questions were also outlined as No-Nos.
We discussed what 'Trans*-inclusivity' means to the organisation. Intersex was mentioned and a reasonable explanation given as to why the organisation has opted to include intersex people within the term 'Trans*'.
All non-binary people are now going to be welcome into any of the LG(BT)F's gendered groups, though there will necessarily be some exceptions, mostly depending on the specific focus of some groups.
It was made very clear as the training progressed that we will endeavour not to promise Trans-inclusion for groups, events or services if we can't deliver them, because to do so is one of the quickest ways to upset and alienate Trans* users. If we can't provide a Trans* aspect somewhere we need just to say so.
My personal feeling is that should be true of the 'B' in LGBT, too.
The Medical and Social aspects of transitioning were explained. The medical process is fairly straight forward, but the culture shock involved in transitioning can be enormous; for example, it was explained how trans women are often horrified to discover they are less heard and less valued in their new gender identity. Likewise, many trans men find it hard to deal with expectations of self-confidence and assertiveness, often having been bullied in the past.
It was also mentioned how capacity for providing treatment is not sufficient to deal with current and future demand. This is set to become a huge challenge, as already waiting lists are frequently twice as long as the target time of 8 months.
The legalities of transitioning and of being Trans* were outlined. One of the earliest required steps to transitioning is changing your name, and apparently twelve documents evidencing your name change are required before you can proceed further along the route to obtaining a Gender Recognition Certificate (if indeed you want one). Especially noteworthy is the fact that you DO NOT have to tell an employer about having changed identity or having lived under another name in the past, though there could be complications associated with providing references. The online system for obtaining a DBS check already accomodates those who have, or are in the process of, transitioning.
There was loads more too, but I think this gives a good flavour of what we were taught today. The presenters were excellent and were able to speak directly from personal experience. The training was intensive and left me, personally, with lots to contemplate.
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