I just learnt that some people born with female genitalia refer to themselves as 'Male to Male', "in recognition of the fact that they had not ever felt female in their lives" (Feinberg, 1998:43). I don't know why this came as a surprise to me, it makes sense in context.
Other words you might see used when looking into the concept of gender identity include: tomboy, butch, femme, female cross-dresser, male cross-dresser, transexual, transgender, male-to-male, female-to-male, male-to-female, transman, transwoman, drag queen, drag king, F2M, M2F, third sex, twin spirited, intersexual...
Words are very powerful--they can include or they can exclude, they can praise or they can condemn, they can comfort or crush. The words we choose to apply to ourselves and to others are the most important of all. Think of the language of 'personal ads'--each term paints a picture of who we are and what we want and expect of our lives and of those we opt to share them with.
My own self-definition has proven quite fluid. I have gone from 'wiccan' to 'pagan' to 'witch'. I have gone from 'bisexual' to 'pansexual' to 'humano-sexual/humano-romantic'. My gender identity is unresolved. I am content to live in a female body, but I know that is not the entire sum of my being. I fairly often express my 'inner gay male' as well as my 'inner bisexual female' and my 'inner gender-neutral pansexual'. I would presently consider myself to be 'pangendered'. I am not wrongly identified as female, I am just not completely accurately described by that term alone.
There are days when I very definitely see men with 'gay man's eyes' rather than with 'bisexual female's eyes'. It is fascinating to me to observe that my inner gay male appreciates a completely different set of men to those my female bisexual self. (He likes and craves muscle men; she finds muscular men vulgar and unappealing. He likes moderately hairy men; she likes men without body hair. He likes men who sport 'buzz cuts'; she likes long haired men). This 'split vision' has occurred with increasing frequency since I began writing M/M Romances. It's also interesting to me to note that my inner male is gay rather than bisexual or pansexual; when I lust after a woman it is my female aspect that is involved, never my male aspect.
Do our labels serve any real purpose? Only if you subscribe to the idea that a lover or a soulmate can be located by giving a proscriptive list of ideal qualities for the person you think you 'WLTM' and discarding all other applicants. Personally I am open to all sorts of relationships, I don't want to exclude someone from my radar who might just prove that addage of 'opposites attract', for example. 'Close fits' are definitely welcome to apply.
